2005 didn't really kick into gear until March 11, the day that Jason Calacanis chained me to a workstation and Cinematical was born. I chewed through the handcuffs in good time, but for some reason kept coming back to blog – by that point, I had enslaved a good portion of the 13 or so lunatics that you've come to know and love, and they needed somebody to pace around headquarters worrying about the moral implications of paying the rent by making fun of Sharon Waxman and exploiting celebrity divorce. So here I sit, nine months later, typing away from my AOL-financed glass house, and it seems like as good a time as any to reflect on the year that was. And by "reflect", I basically mean "splooge all over our blogfolio othe way only a loving mother could." And with that image fresh in your minds, I bring you, in two parts, the Top Seven Cinematical Stories of the Year. Put on your protective gear ...

7.  90s pretty boys in mid-life crisis - 2005 started off with the Celebrity Divorce Heard 'Round the World: Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston, the breathless headlines announced, had decided to become "Just Friends". Aniston immediately started playing the victim card, all but confirming that she had been abandoned for Angelina Jolie, Pitt's costar in Fox's summer tentpole (heh ...pole.) Mr. and Mrs. Smith. Not to be outdone by his Interview with a Vampire costar, Tom Cruise immediately held a casting call for a young brunette, and by early summer, we had ourselves a TomKat. Emboldened, apparently, by the powers of made-up publicity love (c'mon - even Oprah's not convinced), Cruise began shooting Mission: Impossible: 3 (the unnecessary action sequel being the Hollywood version of the Ferrari, as far as salves for middle-age go), and evangelizing Scientology on any talk show that would have him. This probably wasn't smart. By mid-December, Cruise had wisely dropped his sister in favor of a real publicist, and had moved on to rubbing cooking oil on 9/11 firefighters in the name of Scientology. Meanwhile, Pitt was making the only slightly less crazy move of adopting Angelina Jolie's kids. Pitt and Jolie have, to this day, not confirmed their relationship, but we're pretty sure that's only because of the voodoo curse.

6.  Star Wars finally dies
- To quote Anthony Lane, "Break me a fucking give." Sorry, boys, but I can't even bear to relive it. Our full directory of Star Wars stories is here.