Halloween is almost upon us, and you know what that means: People like me are busy compiling their lists of horror films that did something or didn't do something or just plain suck. Not to be left out, I have worked diligently to produce the following list of the seven horror films that I deem the bad of the bad, the worst of the worst and the crap of the crap of all time.
When taking a look at this list, please try to bear in mind that this is my list and therefore reflects my delicate sensibilities (or lack thereof). Plus, as some of you may know, I have an intense dislike for directors who feel compelled to remake, or even worse "re-imagine," classic horror films. Almost without exception these bastard children tend to be pale imitations of their originals. In fact, can we just strike "re-imagine" from the lexicon of cinema right now and have it never be used again?
Also, as I'm sure will be made abundantly clear shortly, this list is by no means complete. Tastes vary as much as Ben Affleck's acting or Lindsey Lohan's choice of boyfriends, so many films that may deserve to appear on this list will not. I know there are more -- and I know you will have your own picks, so limber up those fingers, hit the comments and tell us your thoughts.
Now, come closer to your monitor and let's roll it.
Blood Sucking Freaks (aka The Incredible Torture Show) (1976) - Director (if you can call him that) Joel M. Reed's "film" (if you can call it that) does everything wrong that it possibly could. It's stupid, pointless and on top of that, patently offensive -- even to me and I'm a huge, huge horror fan. Blood and gore don't bother me either, especially if they are used in the right way. Of course "right way" and this piece of crap parted ways long, long ago.
Don't misunderstand me, It's not that I dislike this film, I hate it. Anyone associated with this movie should never be allowed to work in the business again. Plus, all copies of this piece o' shi-ite should be burned in a massive bonfire -- along with every copy of Paris Hilton's Paris. I know, Mr. Reed made one other film after this one -- the equally useless Night of the Zombies. But since then, thankfully, he has not been heard from again. Good riddance, I say, and please take uber-hack Uwe Boll with you. I think you guys would really hit it off.
More of my list after the jump.