Just when you thought there were no more fantastic, original ideas floating around Hollywood, I give you the latest Jurassic Park IV rumor. According to Bloody Disgusting, Universal is now going through the process of casting for the fourth installment in Steven Spielberg's dino-mite (heh, get it?) franchise. So far Laura Dern has confirmed that she will indeed reprise her role as Dr. Ellie Sattler, while Sam Neill has decided not to touch this piece of dinosaur feces with a ten foot pole. Same goes for Jurassic Park III helmer Joe Johnston. And the plot? The "plot!" Brace yourselves folks, because this one might sting a bit. Here, I'll let BD break the news: "We're told that the film is about the government who has trained dinosaurs to carry weapons and use them for battle purposes."
Um, wow. So are they trying to say that a Velociraptor isn't dangerous enough on its own -- that the thing needs to carry a missile launcher too?! I understand the need to up the ante a bit (because the whole "Oh no, we're lost in a jungle full of dinosaurs" gig has kind of run its course), but do they really think that giving a Tyrannosaurus rex a machine gun ... I can't even complete the sentence without wanting to hit something. Holy crap is this premise absurd. Let me guess: At first, the dinosaurs are kicking some terrorist ass ... until -- oh no! -- they turned on everyone, and pointed their weapons at us! Damn it, I knew we shouldn't have given that Dilophosaurus a grenade launcher. Damn it. Apparently, William Monahan (The Departed) wrote the latest draft, and I assume we can expect Jurassic Park IV to stampede into theaters (guns drawn) sometime in late 2008 or summer of 2009.