The ever-enthusiastic Pete Hammond of Maxim says the following about American Pie Presents Beta House:

"...may be the most outrageous slice of pie yet!"

Ahem. With all due respect to Mr. Hammond (who also called Wild Hogs "hysterically funny" and Evan Almighty "a great time at the movies"), I think a more appropriate (or at least honest) quote for the DVD cover might be:

"Slightly more amusing to sit through than the two previous entries, but really ... that's not much of a compliment."

Strange but true, schlock-lovers, but after suffering through the ceaseless miseries of American Pie Presents Band Camp and American Pie Presents The Naked Mile, I was obviously expecting the worst from American Pie Presents Beta House. And I don't think that's me being unfair, really. (One need only get smacked in the face with cow shit twice before one gets a little skittish around cows.) So I popped the disc in, all smug and superior, and ... what the hell? A few early chuckles? (Thanks mainly to a profane cameo appearance by Christopher McDonald, but still.) The connection to American Pie, American Pie 2 and American Wedding is this: Eugene Levy shows up (once again) to wiggle his wacky eyebrows and earn a quick check.

Beta House takes a few listless jabs at what could charitably be termed "plot threads," but really the movie's nothing more than a barely-connected series of set-pieces that are obsessed with one of two things: Female breasts and male semen. (Not to be overtly vulgar, but I've seen hardcore porn with less hooters and "money shots" than are found in Beta House. Now THERE'S a blurb for the DVD cover!) When the movie's not pandering to your basic lust for nipples and/or bodily excretions, it's ostensibly about a group of college freshmen (one of whom is named Stifler) who aim to pledge a frat. Yeah, that's it. But there's a small silver lining to be found buried beneath all the sophomoric silliness, frequent expulsions of vomit, and head-slap-obvious "man juice" jokes...