Remember that Jessica Simpson film called Blonde Ambition that was supposed to be going straight to DVD after everyone involved pretty much agreed that it sucked, and wasn't worth a theatrical release? Well, according to Slashfilm, Blonde Ambition was given a theatrical release this weekend on 8 screens in Simpson's hometown of Texas. (In case you're interested, the film will officially hit DVD on January 22.) So you figure since the film is opening on eight screens in the gal's hometown, that all theaters would be packed full of hardcore Simpson fans, friends, random acquaintances -- what have you.
Yeah, well try this one on for size: The flick grossed a whopping $384 bucks on Friday, meaning the per screen average was $48. Slashfilm breaks it down even more: "Based on an $8 ticket price, that means that 6 people paid to see the movie at each of those theatres, and only 48 people went to see the movie! That's amazing! One of the worst performances a movie has ever had. I am projecting that Jessica's "star vehicle" will gross just $1,190 this weekend or $149 per location." Six people per theater? If that's not the definition of pathetic, I don't know what is. Additionally, Simpson ain't the most popular person in Texas right now, considering the fact that ever since she started dating Dallas Cowboys quarterback Tony Romo, the guy's weekly performance has declined to a point where his teammates don't even want the girl near the stadium for fear she'll ruin the team's Superbowl chances. Yup, the next Julia Roberts she most certainly is.
UPDATE: Cinematical's Peter Martin, a Dallas resident, informed me of the following: "The film opened on three Dallas-area theaters -- all Cinemark Discount Theatres, with tickets on Friday and Saturday after 6:00 pm priced at $2.00 (matinee prices: $1.00). Still a pathetic performance, but means a few more people actually attended. That's balanced by the fact that it's the only new release playing at the bargain theatres, which is embarrassing in itself."