Just in time for Valentine's Day we're taking a look at horror and monster movie romances that have gone horribly wrong. This may seem like a downbeat topic, but let's face it, happy endings in horror are few and far between. At the very least we can console ourselves that regardless of how bad things may be, Valentine's Day will go better for most of us than it did for these tragic souls.

Bride of Frankenstein
OK, we've basically got the worst blind date in the history of the world here. Frankenstein's monster (Boris Karloff) is wandering the countryside all bummed and stuff 'cause no one wants him around. Dr. Pretorius (Ernest Thesiger) is all like "I've got the perfect chick for you," and the creature is all like "OK," and Dr. Pretorius is all like "slow down, dude, I have to build her first." Pretty soon old flat top is thinking Pretorius is his BFF, but the creepy doc is just using him to strong arm Henry Frankenstein (Colin Clive) into helping with his latest crime against nature. Once the female creature is made (and, incidentally, sporting a hairdo that could easily house a family of barn owls), the monster splashes on some Aqua Velva and gets ready to make his move. It soon becomes clear, though, that in the hierarchy of the reanimated dead the Bride is the hot cheerleader and the monster is the AV nerd with a retainer, dandruff, and bolts through his neck. In a display of adolescent angst the creature decides that EVERYBODY MUST DIE and pulls a convenient lever that vaporizes the lab (OSHA would have a field day with that). As the building collapses around them, the monster obviously regrets being so forward, and if you listen closely you can hear him sob "I should have just texted her."
categories Cinematical