Even as the franchise began to shed staples with 2006's Casino Royale and tomorrow's Quantum of Solace, the James Bond series is still known for several keystones across twenty other films: girls, gadgets, guns, martinis, silhouettes of female figures thrusting about during the credits, and so on. Some would say that these were the traditions that helped lead James Bond down the path that would end in 2002's Die Another Day, which some would say made them want to take a top hat to their own throats. (Me? I didn't hate it.)

Among these recurring touches were the last lines, often cheeky turns of phrase that seemed to suggest that everything was going to be just fine between Commander Bond and that chick who we'd never see or hear about ever again. So, out of twenty-one films, I humbly offer up my picks for the seven best of the bunch. I'll leave you to find out if Quantum ends more along the lines of Royale's "The name's Bond... James Bond", or with something a bit sexier... 1. Goldfinger (1964)

[Bond pulls Pussy Galore down as she waves to an approaching helicopter]
James Bond: "This is no time to be rescued."

It's a euphemism for sex.

2. You Only Live Twice (1967)

Submarine Captain: Dinghy's on board, sir.
M: [referring to Bond in the dinghy] Tell him to come below and report.
Moneypenny: It'll be a pleasure, sir.

Also a euphemism for sex.

3. The Man with The Golden Gun (1974)

M: [over the phone] Bond? Bond, are you there? Goodnight?
James Bond: She's just coming, sir.
M: Goodnight? Goodnight? Goodnight!
James Bond: Good night, sir.
[Bond hangs up phone]

Sex euphemism. See also #1 and #2.

4. The Spy Who Loved Me (1977)

[Bond and KGB Agent Anya Amasova are discovered making love]
M: 007!
General Anatol Gogol: Triple X!
Sir Frederick Gray, Minister of Defence: Bond! What do you think you're doing?
James Bond: Keeping the British end up, sir.


5. Moonraker (1979)

Dr. Holly Goodhead: Take me 'round the world one more time.
James Bond: Why not?


6. The World is Not Enough (1999)

James Bond: [in bed with Dr. Christmas Jones] I thought Christmas only comes once a year.

Sure is.

7. On Her Majesty's Secret Service (1969)

[Bond's bride, Tracy, has just been shot and killed]
James Bond: It's all right. It's quite all right, really. She's having a rest. We'll be going on soon. There's no hurry, you see. We have all the time in the world.

The one and only outing with George Lazenby as Bond comes the one and only ending (until Royale, that is) in which a Bond girl dies. It's the only outright downer ending of the series that comes to mind, and a surprisingly poignant one at that. I bet you thought this was just going to be another sex joke, huh? No, "she's having a rest" is not code for "we're totally gonna do it." God, and I bet you thought the year it was released was a riot too. You're pervs, the whole lot of ya -- sophomoric, immature, and juvenile to the core. If you want low-brow giggles and shameless innuendos, go pop in your Austin Powers DVDs already. Go on, yuck it up. Here, a man who put everything on the line has lost the one true thing he loves, and that's just me talking about my post, one that is about to come to a sudden, sad end while you wonderful readers decided to laugh and laugh and laugh. Real readers would apologize for such behavior, or at least attempt to stifle their titters, but nooooooo, it's all bawdy sex gags all the time for the likes of you, huh? Well, you all have a license to be ashamed of yourselves. That's it, I've had it, I'm out of here. I hope you're proud, really proud.

P.S. "Pussy Galore".
categories Cinematical