What I expected from Transylmania was a barrage of tired teen sex comedy gags shoehorned into a vampire movie spoof, and while Transylmania certainly delivered all of the exposed silicon breasts, pot smoking, and gross-out gags I anticipated, there's something downright quaint about the film -- a retro quality that I wasn't expecting. It's more of an old-fashioned hassle-in-the-castle farce, stuffed to the gills with dusty comedy relics like a character under a hypnotic spell that causes her to change personality at inopportune times or an ever-so-wacky case of mistaken identity featuring a college doofus who ends up being a dead-ringer for a vampiric overlord. This is dinosaur stuff. A rubber chicken and a squirting flower would've really capped things off.

Oren Skoog plays Rusty, pretty much the least believable college student I've ever seen in a movie, opening the film with a lengthy cast introduction montage, in case you happened to miss National Lampoon's Dorm Daze 1 and 2. By the way, surprise! Transylmania is a sequel, and not just a sequel, but like High School Musical 3 before it, the first theatrical sequel (and a Part 3) to a direct-to-video franchise. All of your favorite characters from Dorm Daze are back including Asian Stoner, Caucasian Stoner, Good Twin, Bad Twin, Desperate Nerd, Oversexed Bimbo, Alpha Male Dumb-Ass, Bi-Curious Guy, and Premature Ejaculator. It's a sprawling cast for a movie like this, but, by the film's end, I was thankful for the seemingly dozens of characters running around because it meant more time away from the hugely unnapealing Oren Skoog and his Peter Tork hair-do.