Following in the wake of rumors that Rob Zombie was trying to shake off the chains of his horror upbringing, word has leaked out that he's up to direct an unspecified, but popular forensic crime show. No more details are available until the deal is sealed, but folks are already speculating, naturally, that the series in question is CSI. Since the show has featured a number of guest directors, such as Quentin Tarantino, this isn't much of a stretch.

It begs the question, "What would Zombie bring to the table?" Stylistically, I can see it: fast cuts, rich colors, and dark subject matter. Zombie is also an admitted TV junkie, so it's a no brainer. I'm just wondering how much input Zombie will have on the script. More to the point, will we get to see redneck sociopaths in Las Vegas or Miami? In the initial meetings, I'm picturing Zombie with his fingers steepled in front of his trademark beard, nodding with contemplation.

"Yes, that sounds great. But where does the flesh-eating trailer park scum come in?"

The most important question is if we'll get to see a Captain Spaulding type do horrible things to David Caruso. For that, I would watch it. Repeatedly. Then I would buy the DVD. Rob, if you're out there. Please make this happen. Please have David Caruso dramatically remove his sunglasses, make some stupid quip, and then get beaten into a coma by Sid Haig, with Bill Moseley singing "Black Betty" in the background.

categories Movies, Horror