I'm sure all you wanting to see The Rock yuk it up as the Tooth Fairy will be rushing out to theaters this weekend to see The Tooth Fairy. But what if you waited until it arrived on DVD, or what if you're not paying attention and think it's already out on DVD, and you accidentally picked up Chuck Bowman's 2006 horror flick The Tooth Fairy? Your kids might be scarred for life when you put the thing in the family DVD player and instead of being delighted by the antics of a former wrestler wearing prop wings, they're introduced to a scary witch that kills children for their molars and incisors. The idea of these two very different films has me inspired to pitch a "vs." film titled...

Tooth Fairy vs. Tooth Fairy

You've seen Freddy vs. Jasonand Aliens vs. Predator and hoped for further "vs." films pitting your favorite monsters and serial killers against each other. But why must these films only involve two baddies battling each other? Why not a family film hero vs. a horror villain? Because horror fans don't like family films and families don't watch scary movies? Well, this movie could compromise the genres and bring the two audiences together for increased box office worth.
So why Tooth Fairy vs. Tooth Fairy? Well, this is just one of the many possibilities, the specific idea only used because of the new movie opening this week. But it raises the awareness of the fact that all mythological and holiday creatures kids grow up loving seem to end up with their own horror films, which can be quite confusing for parents. The worst offenders were, of course, the Frosty the Snowman-inspired movies Jack Frostand Jack Frost, which had the same title but very different plots. Not that you really should expose your kids to a creepy snowman voiced by Michael Keaton, but the bathtub rapist snowman of the intentionally scary movie should definitely be kept away from the young ones. Either way, it's time for them to fight to the death.

Other dueling characters include the Santa Claus of any number of movies and the evil Santa from Santa's Slay, Santa Claws and Silent Night Deadly Night (and others?). Then there are the horror films featuring villainous versions of the Gingerbread Man (The Gingerdead Man), the Easter Bunny (Easter Bunny, Kill! Kill!), Leprechauns (Leprechaun) and Cupid (Valentine). There are probably others, too, so this could be a very prolific series. I guess the only hard part about the franchise would be deciding which of the dueling characters should win. Piss off the families or piss off the horror fans?
categories Cinematical