Every once in awhile, Hollywood seems bent on eradicating a certain talent's film career via remakes of all that person's work. We've seen it happen to John Carpenter, who is being made all but obsolete with released or reported plans for rehashes of at least seven of his movies. And we could see it occur with Andrew McCarthy, who'll be replaced in eventual redos of Weekend at Bernie's and Mannequin (and in all likelihood, one day, Pretty in Pink). This week, with the latest trailer for The Karate Kidand an update on The Sitter, I'm reminded that Elisabeth Shue is the latest victim. So, there might as well also be a remake of Cocktail.

In my attempt to think back 22 years, I honestly can't recall what it was that made Roger Donaldson's 1988 glorification of bartending appealing, let alone such a huge box office success. All I remember is Tom Cruise and Shue making love under a waterfall and a bunch of flashy juggling tricks that inspired many a dude to waste liters of alcohol trying to impress girls with bottle-tossing skills he didn't have. Oh, and that terrible soundtrack I'm embarrassed to say I enjoyed at the age of 11, which introduced many of us to "Kokomo" and "Don't Worry, Be Happy."
I'm sure many of you for some reason or another cherish Cocktail, which won two Razzies, including Worst Picture. But would anyone truly mind if Disney remade the thing? Maybe with Taylor Lautner (he's the new Tom Cruise, right?) or Shia LaBeouf starring as the cocky mixologist who falls for the Uptown Girl artist originally played by Shue (now played by any of Vanity Fair's ingenues of the moment)? Should it be an adaptation of that planned Broadway musical version we heard about last fall? Or, should it be a Color of Money-type sequel in which Cruise returns as the mentor of a new hotshot barkeep? Either way, the Beach Boys should contribute another earworm tune to the soundtrack.

Meanwhile, how else might Shue's early career be obscured? Anybody want to remake Link or Heart and Soulsor Leaving Las Vegas (for which I guess Shue will always be remembered, at least as far as Oscar history is concerned)? I wouldn't be upset if Robert Zemeckis removed her from the two Back to the Futuresequels by replacing her with digital versions of original Jennifer Parker (McFly) Claudia Wells. Hollywood may have trouble with their apparent goal to wipe Shue out considering she keeps on making movies -- four of them, including the Piranha 3-D remake, are set for release this year.

Here's a look at what Cocktail would look like remade as a film noir:
categories Cinematical