Oh, Brendan Fraser. I have now watched yet another film in which you engage in slapstick with CGI animals. Granted, Furry Vengeance isn't even the low point of your career. But still -- CGI animals? Again?

In the spirit of full disclosure, I want to explain that I am deeply, heart-breakingly in love with Brendan Fraser. This affair, which exists entirely in my own mind but has never blossomed into full-blown stalking, has been going on for a long, long time, despite the fact that most of his films are pedestrian DVD fodder.

If you're confused by my passion for the star of Monkeybone and Looney Tunes: Back in Action, I would suggest that you run immediately to Netflix or your nearest video store, and watch Gods and Monsters with Fraser and Sir Ian McKellan. Or The Quiet American with Fraser and Sir Michael Caine. Or the odd, charming little indie flick Still Breathing, which didn't have knights in the cast, although Celeste Holm played Fraser's grandmother.

In each of these films, Brendan Fraser showed that he's capable of being an A-list movie star and an accomplished actor. He's also handsome as sin, affable, self-deprecating, and wildly charismatic. Yeah, I'm biased, what with him being my imaginary movie boyfriend and all. But I'm still right.