A few weeks ago, world-famous smart man Stephen Hawking made headlines by saying that there's probably alien life in the universe -- but that we'd better hope they don't contact us, because it almost certainly wouldn't be for peaceful purposes. Hawking believes in an Independence Day scenario, where the aliens have depleted their own resources and might come to Earth to take ours. He's not saying it's going to happen, just that it would be the most likely scenario if there is advanced life out there. And when Stephen Hawking says something, you pay attention, because he has that robot voice, and it makes him sound even smarter.

On April 30, wizened news troll Larry King addressed the issue on his CNN program. He spoke with Hawking, along with a physicist, two astronomers, and, of course Dan Aykroyd. The once and future Ghostbuster is becoming well-known for his fervent belief in aliens and UFOs, and he was glad to have a forum in which to promote his views. Who knew Coneheads was not a comedy but a cautionary tale? (Well, anyone who saw it knows it wasn't a comedy, exactly....)

Aykroyd speaks passionately and fervently, resembling one of his fast-talking characters so much that you start to wonder if it's all a joke. But no, he seems to be sincere. He first appears at about 5:45 in the clip we've embedded after the jump, and his major point is that not only are extra-terrestrials among us, they are breaking the law!! object width="432" height="346">

Specifically, the aliens are in violation of Title 18, Section 1201, Paragraph A of the United States Code. (Aykroyd says Section 1202, but that's about receiving ransom money. He means 1201. Don't make me do your fact-checking for you, Aykroyd.) The statute in question: "Whoever unlawfully seizes, confines, inveigles, decoys, kidnaps, abducts, or carries away and holds for ransom or reward or otherwise any person ..." is subject to imprisonment. I don't know about inveigling, but aliens are alleged to do a lot of abducting, and not for ransom or reward but for "otherwise," i.e., anal probes.

So enough pussyfooting, Aykroyd says. We need to arrest them! [Insert joke about "aliens" and arresting and Arizona here!]

In the next section, at about 2:00, King asks Aykroyd why the aliens always land in the middle of nowhere instead of, say, L.A. or New York. Aykroyd says:

"Because they don't want anything to do with us. I don't think we will ever have a formal relationship, a formal contact, with any alien species out there -- especially after 9/11, when we broke our toys in the sandbox. If they were observing that, goodbye human race."

In other words, the aliens don't want to contact us overtly, as a group. As a civilization, they probably find us repulsive, what with our wars and our 9/11's and so forth. (Oh, I suppose the aliens NEVER have arguments on THEIR special planet!) The aliens prefer to deal one-on-one with hillbillies and rednecks. Perhaps they intentionally choose to visit the dumbest among us precisely because they know most people won't believe their stories. I mean, if they appeared to someone credible, like Stephen Hawking, or Oprah, their cover would be blown.

Aykroyd goes on to say that he doesn't think the aliens are "a mass threat, but I do believe they're breaking the law. I'm serious, Title 18, 1202."

Oh, then Larry King says Aykroyd is definitely doing Ghostbusters 3 and that King will be in it, and Aykroyd says, "You bet. We're working on it today." So now the question is, which of Aykroyd's beliefs is more fanciful? That there are aliens among us, or that Ghostbusters 3 is going to happen?

The third segment has Aykroyd doing a Coneheads voice at about 2:20, if that's something you want to see.

Also: "Yes, I think a revelation is coming on a mass scale, very soon. I don't know what form it's going to take, but there's a lot of witnesses out there." Let us hope, then, that he's wrong about the aliens being angry with us for 9/11, or else this mass-scale revelation is going to be unpleasant for everyone. We'd better keep Will Smith and Jeff Goldblum on alert.
categories Cinematical