Perhaps I should have been a lawyer because when I was just 14-years-old, I managed to convince my mother to let me drive her convertible to lunch, roughly a four-mile trip. Despite never having been behind the wheel, I did quite well until hitting the service road. When you let a kid without a permit drive with the top down at 50 mph, a gigantic trunk honking its horn at you while it tries to change lanes only results in one thing: screaming. My mother screamed at the top of her lungs and I panicked until we finally reached a red light and could do a quick Chinese fire drill. The first thing I thought when it was all over? At least Dionne (Stacey Dash) knows how I feel. Clueless is packed with scenes worthy of a mention in this column, but it's Dionne's driving calamity that's getting the honor today.

Unlike my ride, Dionne's doesn't even start out particularly successful. Her boyfriend Murray (Donald Faison) tells her to get into her right lane and asks her what's the first thing she should do. She gets the first part right and explains she must put on her blinker, but instead of igniting the turn signal, she turns on her wipers. Making matters worse, while trying to figure out how to turn them off, she takes her eyes completely off the road. Things come crashing down when Dionne decides to check her blind spot and does so by not only turning her head, but the car as well.
Luckily before the two can completely blow up at each other, Cher's (Alicia Silverstone) predicament takes over. When she reveals to Murray and Dionne that she almost had sex with Christian (Justin Walker), "Your man, Christian is a cake-boy!" A what? "He's a disco-dancing, Oscar Wilde-reading, Streisand ticket-holding friend of Dorothy, know what I'm saying?" Have you ever heard a more elegant way of revealing someone's sexuality?

In all of the excitement Dionne neglects to watch where she's going and winds up getting onto a new driver's worst nightmare, the freeway. At this point all hell breaks loose as the trio screams, drivers honk and old ladies give the finger. Murray tries to console Dionne until he realizes a huge semi is right on their tale and lets out a yell louder than the ladies.

The scene comes to a close with something that makes every woman wish her man were more like Murray; they finally make it off the highway and Murray doesn't yell at her, but consoles her. Even Cher falls for their romantic moment saying, "Boy, getting off the freeway makes you realize how important love is." It's true. If my mom didn't love me as much as she did, I might never have been allowed to get behind the wheel again.

categories Cinematical