Torontonian Scott Pilgrim was just minding his own slacker business in life, dating high schooler Knives Chau because "it's just simple." But then, while dreaming about his barren, lonely existence, a cute-goggled girl zips through his dreams and turns his world upside down. But she's not just a dream; she's real. She's Ramona Flowers. Through some wild bit of luck, Ramona agrees to date Scott, but there's just one problem. She's got seven evil exes that he must defeat. Not just fight, but defeat.

This is the premise for Scott Pilgrim vs. The World, where video game surreality intermingles with the real world to send Scott Pilgrim out on a dangerous quest for love. Fitting six volumes of comics into 112 minutes is a daunting task, so to help you keep this whirlwind of exes straight, we've whipped up a little guide after the jump rife with characteristics, textual back story, and all you need to know about the Seven Evil Exes.

Played by:
Satya Bhabha (Jason Neal in Fair Game)

Look: Floppy hair, red and black striped shirt, way too much eye makeup. Imagine an ethnic Justin Bieber, if the kid suffered a decade of romantic angst at the hand of Ramona Flowers, and thought pirates were really cool.

Romantic Back Story: Ramona and Matthew dated briefly in the seventh grade, because he was "the only non-white, non-jock in school." Between his mystical powers and her brute strength, they took out all the jocks. But "pre-adolescent capriciousness" cut their romance short, and Matthew was left heartbroken.

Strongest Asset: A pack of winged demon hipster girls Matthew can summon at will.

Poor Matthew Patel is shackled by his lameness. He thinks pirates are "in" this year. He sends cordial declarations of war that get ignored. In fact, he once fights a blizzard to deliver a warning. But most of all: Though he can summon up a flying pack of demon hipster girls, he can't put up much of a challenge. What a waste of demon hipsters.

Played by:
Chris Evans (The new Captain America.)

Look: Beefy, black t-shirt, jeans, and a cigarette. He's the punk-turned-star. Imagine a young Jason Lee if he had the body of Henry Rollins (and the fashion sense). However, for some reason, Scott confuses him with Luke Wilson of the Bottle Rocket era.

Romantic Back Story: Ramona met Lucas during their freshman year, when he was a "whiny little greasy-headed skater." It may have been in drama class, or maybe math, but either way, there was a whole lot of drama.

Strongest Asset: In the books, he's just a sell-out, but in the film, he gets helped by a swarm of tough stunt men.

Lucas Lee is the shallow star who doesn't care. He's not really invested in this whole thing. Where Patel is ready to wipe the floor with Pilgrim, Lee thinks Scott "seems nice."

Played by:
Brandon Routh (The new Superman. Yes, Michael Cera gets to defeat two modern superheroes.)

Look: Another beefy dude, a bit aloof, with spiky hair and sizzle eyes. Todd also, very helpfully, dons the number "3" on his shirt, to let us know where we are in the story. Imagine Superman ... if he wasn't such a good guy obsessed with helping other people.

Romantic Back Story: Another high school boyfriend of Ramona's, but Todd's turmoil comes from the present. He's dating Envy Adams, who used to date Scott before she made it big. Both are in the band The Clash at Demonhead. Envy's the singer, while he's the bass player. But he's also cheating on Envy with the band's drummer, who has a bionic arm.

Strongest Asset: Vegan powers, mostly in the mind, even though he appears to be quite stupid.

Todd likes to use the "rock star" excuse to get away with anything and everything -- this includes massacring the English language and redefining veganism.

Played by:
Mae Whitman (Ann Veal, Arrested Development ... Yes, George Michael Cera's devout and pain-in-the-arse girlfriend is now the fiery lesbian who wants to beat him down.)

Look: Part she-vixen, part-football player, part-punk, and part-little girl. She somehow makes pigtails look tough, and is adept on wheels, just like Ramona.

Romantic Back Story: Ramona and Roxie dated when they were roommates attending The University of Carolina in the Sky. Though she's a fiery, hot-headed artist, she's maintained a good relationship with Ramona ... when she's not trying to slice and dice Scott.

Strongest Asset: She's 1/2 ninja.

See, Scott's clueless, and didn't notice Ramona continually saying "evil exes" instead of "evil ex-boyfriends." Roxie is the lone "lady" of the bunch. Basically a ball of fury who hates getting punched in the boob, Roxie does not like that Ramona has moved on. But that brash exterior might hide something wriggling and soft underneath. However, that's something you won't see in the movie. You'll have to read Volume Four to find out.

Played by: Keita Saito and Shota Saito, respectively (Touch, Battle League Horumo)

Look: They might be twins, but each has their own look. Kyle, the "handsome jerk,"likes to wear white suits and dyed his hair blonde. Ken, the "perfect asshat," prefers things a touch darker, with his natural hair and red-and-black ensemble.

Romantic Back Story: Yep, Ramona is not only bisexual, but progressive enough to date twins. Not much is said about the relationship, but the boys understand that Ramona has a tendency to abandon her loves.

Strongest Asset: In the graphic novel, they're award-winning roboticists. In the flick, they're DJs who can create sound monsters.

The twins might be silenced on the big screen, but they redefine "block-rockin' beats."

Played by:
Jason Schwartzman (Rushmore, Darjeeling Limited, Funny People)

Look: Slick, elusive, and too cool for school. His occupation: "a**hole." He's a Jabba the Hut in disguise, who hates the sting of rejection. Not round and sluggish though, he looks like a modern, bitchy John Lennon.

Romantic Back Story: They met, they dated, she left, and he took matters into his own hands.

Strongest Asset: Being a jerk, money, being a jerk, power, being a jerk.

Gideon's definitely the jerkiest of the exes and the hardest to defeat. He's a success with many secrets in his past, from The Glow to that funky thing called Subspace. But he's also pretty lame, and likes to use his success to buy and sell people.