My friend and comrade Katey Rich received some absolutely ri-dick-ulous comments on her thoughtful review of The Expendables over at Rotten Tomatoes. Her review probably took more time to write than the entire script of The Expendables, and was certainly a more insightful look at the action genre than the movie itself deserved. She's not the only person who gave The Expendables a bad review; she just happens to be a woman who did so. This got the manpanties of the commenters in a ferocious wad, and they showered her with hateful, misogynist bulls*t. Some are just childish and stupid, although this one used some big boy words and even name-dropped a David Lynch movie:

"I don't mean this to be as misogynistic as it's going to sound -- but women aren't qualified to review testosterone-fueled action movies.

It's like having a two-year-old child review Mulholland Drive."

In response, Scott Weinberg threw down the gauntlet to any of the female Cinematical staffers to take a crack at The Expendables. I took him up on that offer because I am a masochist. And I like it when things blow up.

Just so you know, I am writing this review with my vagina. Literally. I can't tell you how because I'm getting the technique patented, but since The Expendables is being called man-tastic, covered in man-sauce, man-a-licious, and so manly you'll grow extra chest hair, I thought that turnabout was fair play.