Welcome to another episode of I Would Have Saved/Killed. It goes like this: one of our writers will pick a character, big or small, from a movie and explain how they, for whatever reason, would have altered the fate of that character.

Don't worry, we will never spoil anything pre-jump, though obviously everything after the break is operating under the assumption you've seen the film at hand, so be warned. And a big tip of our hat to Arbogast on Film for inspiring us with his post The One You Might Have Saved.

Have you ever seen Halloween: Resurrection? It's pretty much what you would expect from the eighth installment of a slasher franchise. It's not good. It's antithesis of good. Linguists, even after years of research, have been unable to find an appropriate adjective for this film. Science may have to generate new words just to apply to this garbage.

Read on to find out who kicks the bucket or dodges the bullet in this Michael Myers crapfest... p>Name: Freddie

Fate: He survives

Method of Survival: Badass Kung Fu

Verdict: Make him die slowly.

Reason: Freddie is played by Busta Rhymes. Yes, that Busta Rhymes. After LL Cool J was moderately enjoyable in H20, they decided to continue the trend of pitting hip hop stars against Michael Myers. Had Rob Zombie not intervened, maybe we would have gotten Michael vs the Wu Tang Clan. And then Michael vs Biz Markie! One can only wish. I'm not saying that hip hop stars shouldn't be given the opportunity to flex their acting muscles, but . . .

Oh, who am I kidding? Please don't put hip hop artists - or really any musicians - in slasher films. Even the most casual of filmgoer sees this as the cash grab that it is, but then you go so far as to not even kill him? In the flick, Busta Rhymes throws down the gauntlet and stands up to the monster. Does he try to take down Myers with a shotgun? A mystical blade? A lightsaber? No. Busta fights one of Hollywood's most legendary killers with nothing but kung fu. That pretty much makes him the baddest mother****er on earth.

I can think of dozens of ways Mike should have killed him. All of them involve rabid ferrets and his face.

Please don't go out and rent the flick just to see this jackassery. Just watch the clip below.

categories Features, Horror