Last week word got around that an Australian website had seen the script for Ridley Scott's 'Alien' prequel, and that it included a rather peculiar scene. Two human slaves, Fin and Karik, are terraforming under the command of some aliens called Growers. The Growers want their slaves to breed, so they use mind control to make them have sex. The problem is that Fin and Karik are both male. Seems the Growers are a single-gender species, so they don't know how human reproduction works.

We didn't know if these rumors about the script were true. All we knew was that Fox asked the site that first published them, What's Playing, to take them down. (Here's a screenshot of the original post, though, which is indeed real.) In honor of this story -- and the way everyone (including the source site) went about covering it and exploiting it, we present our satire of the entire situation below in the form of script pages from the scene in question.



(FIN and KARIK, two brawny, handsome men in their twenties, are plowing a field under the sultry alien sun.)

FIN: Sure is hot out today on this space farm, doing this terraforming.
KARIK: I'll say.
FIN: You mind if I take off my shirt?
KARIK: Not at all. In fact, I think I'll do the same.

(They take off their shirts.)

FIN: Say, have you been working out, Karik?
KARIK: Me? Nah. Well, maybe a little.
FIN: You're ripped, bro!
KARIK: Haha, thanks! You're looking pretty fit yourself, dude!

(They continue working for a moment.)

FIN: (stretching) Man, I am sore from all this back-breaking slave labor under the harsh reign of our alien overlords.
KARIK: I hear ya, dude.
FIN: My shoulders are KILLING me!
KARIK: Hey, why don't we take a break for a few minutes and I'll give you a massage?
FIN: Yeah? You wouldn't mind?
KARIK: No way, bro. I'll do you, then you can do me.
FIN: Sweet, dude!



**[A few pages of the script are missing here.]
**
categories Cinematical