All the bargains in the world couldn't send me to a mall at 4 AM to buy anything. I take the 'Fight Club' approach when it comes to shopping for most things: "The things you own end up owning you." For many people, however, Black Friday -- the Friday after Thanksgiving, marking the start of the Christmas shopping bonanza -- is a chance for them to engage in consumer combat for doorbuster deals on just about everything. People have actually died after being trampled by Black Friday crowds -- and it's hard to imagine a more depressing place than Wal-Mart to take your last breath. Still, tragedies like this don't stop people from lining up for miles, grappling with others for bargain items, and generally debasing themselves all in the name of the holiday season. With that in mind, we have a few tips to share with you that should improve your Black Friday shopping experience ... you greedy bastards.