Even if we accept that Angelina Jolie and Johnny Depp are incredibly charismatic Tinseltown luminaries of the highest possible wattage, that doesn't guarantee they'll be any good together -- especially if you just throw them into something generic and assume they'll carry it by the sheer strength of their combined screen presence. That's arrogant, that's what that is. Maybe a little lazy, too. What, we're supposed to love something as pale, weak, and one-dimensional as 'The Tourist' just because it happens to feature two of the biggest movie stars in the world? No! We will not do this! We are better than that, movie.

German director Florian Henckel von Donnersmarck, whose debut feature, 'The Lives of Others,' won the Oscar a few years ago, took the reins on this big-time showbiz project after scheduling and other difficulties bumped some other directors (and actors) out of it. Let us not hold it against him. The Academy Award opened a lot of doors for the director, and who wouldn't jump at the chance to direct Depp and Jolie in a faux-Hitchcockian you've-got-the-wrong-guy European adventure, no matter how unremarkable the screenplay was? Turning down a job like that is for people who've already made a dozen Hollywood films, or people who are dead inside, neither of which describes Florian Henckel von Donnersmarck.

I urge you to say his name aloud. Florian Henckel von Donnersmarck. Did you do it? There, you just had more fun than you would if you watched 'The Tourist.'