Sharks! You know, as human beings, we just love them. "Man's best friend," I'm told. Or maybe that's dolphins. Or dogs. Actually, come to think of it, perhaps we don't like sharks at all. Never mind what I just said – we do not like sharks. Probably because they've been known, at times, to feed on us. And not in a symbiotic, intestinal bacteria type way. Regardless, there's a new movie about sharks coming out this weekend called 'Shark Night 3D' that you probably won't see, but you might. Since the studio behind 'Shark Night 3D' won't let us see the movie early, we thought, instead, we'd just make a list of our favorite fictional sharks. Here's is that list.
First, a fun tip about Jabberjaw: His voice is provided by the same man, Frank Welker, who brought you Megatron in the 'Transformers' cartoon and the voice of Shockwave in this summer's 'Transformers: Dark of the Moon.' Part Curley from The Three Stooges, part Rodney Dangerfield, 'Jabberjaw,' which ran from 1976 to 1978, is responsible for the 40 current living Americans – old enough to watch 'Jabberjaw,' but too young to watch 'Jaws' -- who don't think of sharks as dangerous, but more "slightly annoying and obnoxious, especially when they play the drums."
The Shark from 'Jaws: The Revenge'
Ah, see, you thought we would pick the shark from the original 'Jaws,' right? Of course, the first 'Jaws' was far superior to its three sequels, but, as far as personality goes, there's no beating the shark from 'Jaws: The Revenge.' Why? Because it was personal! Yes, while the original Jaws was quite ferocious, he was, really, just in the wrong place at the wrong time. The shark from 'Jaws: The Revenge' actually sought out trouble. Get this: Even after Brody dies from a heart attack, this shark finds the time to chase down Brody's widow -- all the way from New England to the Bahamas -- in an effort to eat her. It's a terrible movie, but you have to respect the shark's gumption. Really.
Chevy Chase played Land Shark on 'SNL' -- during his first and only full season as a cast member – as a parody of the first 'Jaws' movie. The gist was that the Land Shark would pose as some sort of delivery person. When the unsuspecting victim would open his or her door, Land Shark, just like a real shark, would eat him or her.
Misterjaw, to be honest, was a bit of an ass. Not as lovable as Jabberjaw, Misterjaw – which ran during the Pink Panther cartoon series in 1976 – liked to spring out of nowhere and yell "Gotcha,' right before eating you. Which, I suppose, is more of a courtesy than real sharks give. But he spoke with a German accent (voiced by Artie Johnson who made a career off of that fake German accent on 'Laugh-In'), which is always a dead giveaway that your animated creature might be an ass. Though, he does not play the drums -- which can be looked at as a positive or a detriment.
Speaking of Transformers, of course there were Transformers who were also sharks and, of course, Frank Welker was involved. (Also, true story: there is a Sharkticon named Land Shark.) The Sharkticons made their debut in 1986's 'Transformers: The Movie,' which also featured the voice of Orson Welles (25 years later, I'm still not used to reading that). Anyway, the Sharkticons weren't necessarily very interesting characters, used mostly by the Quintessons as a means to execute other Transformers (I promise, you do not want me to take the time to explain any of this).
No joke, catchphrase or not: Arthur Fonzarelli jumped the hell out of this shark. (Also, you've heard this phrase said hundreds of time, have you actually ever watched The Fonz jump the shark?)
Dr. Evil's Sharks with Frickin' Laser Beams Attached to their Heads
It was a funnier joke in the original Austin Powers film when, due to the endangered species list, Dr. Evil had to settle for ill-tempered mutated sea bass, instead. But, finally, by the third film, Dr. Evil had his very own sharks with frickin' laser beams attached to their heads.
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