By now, you've probably already watched the latest edition of Unscripted with 'Moneyball' stars Brad Pitt and Jonah Hill. If you haven't though -- if your office human resources department frowns on you watching lengthy videos with jokes about urine pools -- some good news: your friendly Moviefone editors have compiled the full transcript from the discussion, which includes a lot of dialogue cut from the finished video. Deleted scenes! In print! Now you can learn what Brad Pitt considers the movie he wants to show his grandkids and read about Jonah Hill's fixed-gear bike obsession with a far less chance of getting fired.
Click here to watch the 'Moneyball' Unscripted.

BRAD Pitt: Hi, I'm Brad Pitt, this is Jonah Sebastian Hill the third.

JONAH HILL: It's pronounced 'Seb-ay-shtin.'

Pitt: 'Sebayshtin' and 'Jo-nah.'

Hill: Yes.

Pitt: And we will be answering some of your questions today as well as asking some of our own.

Hill: That's right!

Pitt: I was really excited, this is from Ashley from Los Angeles. "Jonah, I was really excited to see the two of you starring in a film together. What was the most interesting thing you learned about one another while shooting 'Moneyball?'"

Hill: What was the most interesting thing that we learned about one another?

Pitt: We both like Wham!

Hill: We both love Wham!, you made it very clear that I liked Wham! without me knowing it [laughs].

Pitt: So maybe I introduced you?

Hill: You introduced me to my own fandom of Wham! and I learned that you are a really, really...

Pitt: Wonderful dancer.

Hill: I didn't really learn anything about you, to be honest. I just kind of assumed you were great and then you ended up being great. No, I learned that you can do... I don't know. F-ck you, Ashley! I don't know anything! I'm struggling so hard. What did we learn?

Pitt: We didn't really hang out, we just kind of, I mean there's a restraining order, so that got in the way.

Hill: Yeah. That was a big part of the issue.

Pitt: When they said 'action,' we walked on set and the cameras were already rolling.

Hill: You were on a green screen island and I was in northern California and they just kind of green screened us together.

Pitt: Yeah.

Hill: So we never actually met. It's really nice to meet you.

Pitt: Brad.

Hill: Yeah hey, Jonah, nice to meet you. Yeah, I don't know. That's a terrible question, Ashley, I hate you (all laugh). I'm just kidding, I'm joking. Ok, 'Billy Beane is passionate about baseball, other than acting, what are you most passionate about, Brad?'

Pitt: I'm very passionate. I'm going to tell you a story, this is Carmen? Car-man?

Hill: Yeah, Car-man from Fort Worth, Texas.

Pitt: I am very passionate about my kids and children's programming. I found a great joy and love for it, this is serious. And I'm mad for architecture, a bit of music: anything Jack White, Black Keys. You're a little bit more Hip-Hop than me, right?

Hill: I'm into Hip-Hop with a mix of R&B. No, I don't know [laughs]. I like Jack White, he's awesome.

Pitt: Awesome.

Hill: Black Keys, we both like. We bonded over that. We both like the Black Keys.

Pitt: We didn't really bond.

Hill: You don't remember the bonding part of it?

Pitt: You said you liked...

Hill: No, I'm pretty sure it was a serious bond!

Pitt: We didn't really bond.

Hill: It was a very, it was more like, I think you were like, 'hey, we both like the Black Keys, let's be best friends,' or whatever, and I was like 'I'm still thinking about the whole thing.'

Pitt: Have you made up your mind yet?

Hill: No, no, no I'm still on the fence about the whole thing.

Pitt: Fair enough. Beirut. Do you know this band Beirut?

Hill: Yeah I love Beirut.

Pitt: Haunted by them.

Hill: So good.

Pitt: Highly recommend them.

Hill: Yeah. Zach Condon. Ok, your turn.

Pitt: Oh, this is from Patrick from Sebago.

Hill: [Hill looks at the abbreviation for Maine] What's 'ME?'

Pitt: It's from me, no he's just saying it's from him.

Hill: It's from him.

Pitt: Yeah, it's from me, Patrick. 'Your character, Peter Brand, is slightly geeky about baseball. What do you get geeky about in real life?'

Hill: What do I get geeky about in real life? I really like music like Jack White, Beirut.

Pitt: We covered this already.

Hill: Huh?

Pitt: Yeah we covered that.

Hill: Oh, wait. I like photography, music.

Pitt: Comic books?

Hill: I like comic books, more when I was younger, but then once I wanted to date women I had to realize that you had to get that shit out of your apartment. And then I guess I really love movies. I really like movies and I like photography and art a lot.

Pitt: And what's this California bike craze you got into? The bikes with no brakes.

Hill: Oh, yeah that's true! Fixed gear bicycles.

Pitt: It's a death trap.

Hill: [laughs] Yeah.

Pitt: Which I still can't quite figure out, did you master the fixed gear?

Hill: No, I did not get good at it, I almost died like three times. Basically I was convinced by a counter culture movement called 'fixed gear bicycles,' that it's cool to buy a bicycle with no brakes. I was like, "how do you stop?'" and the guy was like, "pedal backwards really hard.'" And I was like, "what if you're going really fast down a hill," and he was like, "pedal super hard the other way." And about three times I almost got nailed by a car and I haven't used it since. It looked cool.

Pitt: Yeah it looked badass.

Hill: It was really cool looking, yeah. So, unscripted!

Pitt: Yes, Jonah?

Hill: That's the question.

Pitt: Yes, no we didn't have a script.

Hill: Oh, these are "unscripted." Besides working with me, what was the other highlight of making 'Moneyball'? Besides working with me, that's not an answer you can use.

Pitt: Well, the craft service was really good.

Hill: It was really good.

Pitt: Great snacks.

Hill: I'll tell you what, pretzel M&M's came out while we were shooting that movie.

Pitt: They did and I think they were highly overrated.

Hill: Oh, no I was into them.

Pitt: Really?

Hill: Yeah [laughs]. What else? We had golf cart races; that was super fun.

Pitt: We did, we were a bit of the discouraged on the lot because we weren't one of the high-end productions. So our trailers were about two miles from where we actually shot and they erroneously gave us golf carts, which we proceeded to have golf cart wars on the way to set and back. It was kind of a smash up derby kind of thing.

Hill: We would see how long and loud we could screech tire marks on the floor.

Pitt: Yeah, well the security guys had something to do that night.

Hill: Yeah, they were pissed. And then I hung from a skateboard on one and they got really mad.

Pitt: They don't want you messing with their golf carts. The insurance policies and we broke a few fenders.

Hill: It was fun though!

Pitt: Didn't flip one. I think that's what they were worried about. Hey Jonah, this is from Ellie from Syracuse, NY: "What's the biggest difference in shooting the dramas you've done and your long list of comedies?"

Hill: Well, Ellie, I'll tell you. Oddly, you would think that it would be way less fun on set to shoot a drama than a comedy, but I had a lot of fun when we were shooting this movie. We got to joke around quite a bit, it was very serious but...

Pitt: I love you.

Hill: Really? That's the first time you said that.

Pitt: I know, I didn't want you to get too comfortable on set.

Hill: I've waiting a long time to hear that.

Pitt: I know. [Reaches for Jonah.]

Hill: Don't touch me, but it's cool. Ok cool, the moments over.

Pitt: [Asks the crew] Do we have any Purell?

Hill: See, Brad's great, he'll shake my hand once a month and then Purell his hands nonstop.

Pitt: I'd like to say I saw no difference in your comedic and your drama, basically because you weren't doing much.

Hill: [laughs] I never do that much.

Pitt: Jonah attacks it with the same non-commitment that he does with everything.

Hill: (laughs) The same lazy-ass attitude, no I thought it was awesome to do a drama right after doing a comedy and I think it's the same thing. You just try to make it as great as you possibly can and I've been lucky to work with cool people.

Pitt: Yeah, but in all seriousness, really I mean what you guys have been doing; you and Danny McBride and so many people, you guys have been grounding, or you've been taken to the edge of irreverent behavior, which is hilarious, but it's also grounded in pathos. I mean, I don't see it that they're a drama, is what I guess my point is.

Hill: That's crazy nice.

Pitt: Thanks, dude.

Hill: Yeah I think you just treat it the same way. Some situations are funny and some situations are serious.

Pitt: Terribly, terribly pathetic.

Hill: Yeah exactly [laughs]. Ok, Jonah to Brad: "Legend has it, you were obsessed with making 'Moneyball,' what was the reason behind your passion?"

Pitt: Ooh, ok. I'm in several – I grew up watching '70s films and this one related a lot to the movies of that time with a character that doesn't really have an arc, doesn't change so much, he's the same beast at the end as he is in the beginning. Kind of an R.P. McMurphy 'Cuckoo's Nest' kind of guy, but the world around him changes a little bit and I love that aspect of it. In this movie about baseball process and, truthfully it's shameful how little I know about baseball, I was really interested in the process of it all. But ultimately, it's a guy out of necessity going up and he is a part of an unfair game. And how do these guys compete? How do these guys go up against the system? And by necessity, they had to requestion everything they did, how they did it and found great inefficiencies in it. In that process, they went up against the church, so to speak, and the church is never happy when you try to change course, so this underdog aspect of it, this attacking a bias and having to level out the playing field, fighting for justice in a way. All these issues were part of the story and it was pretty damn funny.

Hill: Was it worth it?

Pitt: No.

Hill: It wasn't worth it?

Pitt: This is Jonah in the movie.

Hill: Just think a lot. I was very constipated during the whole movie.

Pitt: Was that it?

Hill: [laughs] No! I turned this into a joke. I get one chance to do a drama and I just totally turned it into a stupid joke. I'm an idiot, whatever.

Pitt: Ok, unscripted. Jonah, you could have done 'Superbad' 2, 3 and 4 and yet you chose 'Moneyball' with Bennett Miller.

Hill: Yeah.

Pitt: What the hell were you thinking?

Hill: I... I don't know, I don't know. I knew Bennett for a while and you knew Bennett for a while, through our mutual friend Catherine Keener, who's the coolest.

Pitt: She could very well be the coolest human being ever created.

Hill: She's one of a kind space human and Bennett was a cool guy and he made 'Capote' and I don't know, I've done all these comedies and I really love them and I love what me and all the guys I've been working with have been doing and I think we felt at that time we started doing it, it was like we were doing something kind of cool and different you know. And then again, once you start doing the same thing you want to try something cool and different, and this, to me, was something cool and different. And with someone I really trust and respect like Bennett and an actor I really trust and respected like you and you guys were super cool about taking a chance on me to do something really different and I appreciate it.

Pitt: Well, you were forced on us by the studio.

Hill: Yes, well I know that but I was hoping you weren't going to say that [laughs].

Pitt: We needed some casting, no we can't have...

Hill: Andrew Garfield wasn't Spiderman yet, right, right [laughs]. All the good, serious actors.

Pitt: And that's when you said you gotta pump this up a little bit.

Hill: Listen, I appreciate you holding that until now for you to say.

Pitt: I think we made the best of it.

Hill: Yeah, listen you get lemons, you make a movie. Is that the saying?

Pitt: That's a saying.

Hill: I would say, you get Jonah Hill, you try and make a movie the best you can.

Pitt: Or porn.

Hill: I was honored. I tell you what, I've made a lot of comedies, I've made a lot of adult films, this is the best film I'm most proud of. Ok, Jonah to Brad.

Pitt: From Mandy.

Hill: From Mandy in Chico, California: "If you could adopt a personality trait or mannerism from one of your 'Moneyball' co-stars, what would it be?" Any one of them! They could be sitting right here, that could be one of them.

Pitt: Yeah, no I gotta go with a serious actor. I would have to go with Philip Seymour Hoffman.

Hill: Ok. What mannerism would you take from Phil?

Pitt: What mannerism? Remember he would do this on set? And I actually stole it from him and put it into the scene. You know how characters are...

Hill: Butting heads?

Pitt: Yeah.

Hill: He's awesome in the movie.

Pitt: He's awesome. He's ferocious.

Hill: I don't want to give anything away. I remember he would be – because his character didn't like us in the movie.

Pitt: Not at all.

Hill: So the days that we liked each other in the movie...

Pitt: Oh, you mean acting.

Hill: When we were acting you pretended to like me in the film. But we would have fun because our characters got along very well, it was part of the scene work you were trying to pretend like you liked me, but Phil didn't like us. So I was always really intimidated when he was there because in the scenes they were scary to me because he didn't like me in the scenes and I respect him so much that it actually made me feel bad that he didn't like me in the scenes.

Pitt: He took the two of us and we still lost.

Hill: Yeah, like he's just so good that when he's pretending to be mad at you in a scene, it really hurts your feelings [laughs].

Pitt: You just go home in a pool of your own urine.

Hill: I have a pool of my own urine, I travel with it. That's my one thing, I have one diva thing.

Pitt: You're in therapy?

Hill: Oh, heavily. I have like three therapists on the road with me.

Pitt: I hear it's good for the skin.

Hill: What therapy or urine pools?

Pitt: The urine therapy.

Hill: I don't drink it. I just lay in it. I'm not a weirdo! What is this guy?

Pitt: It's not your own?

Hill: It is my own, very much so.

Pitt: That's weird.

Hill: Yeah, yeah. No traveling with its kind of a big pain. I have a lot of aquatic tanks urinating systems.

Pitt: You've got that whole like sport system behind it.

Hill: It takes a village.

Pitt: Huge entourage.

Hill: It takes a village to lie in your own urine. Yeah, it really does (laughs). Is this what you guys were expecting?

Pitt: Must it go on?

Hill: So now unscripted, me to Brad. Ok, Brad, if you were an old man...

Pitt: I am an old man.

Hill: Ok, you're an old, old man. I'm talking like 45 or something, no you're like real old. You're like 80 years old, OK?

Pitt: Assuming I make it that long.

Hill: Assuming you make it that long. If you had to give one movie to your friends or your whoever and go like, "this is the movie that I kicked ass in." What would it be?

Pitt: That's easy. 'Mr. and Mrs. Smith.'

Hill: 'Mr. and Mrs. Smith?'

Pitt: Absolutely.

Hill: Because you literally kicked ass in it.

Pitt: That and yes. Yes.

Hill: OK, so that's the one you give?

Pitt: That's the one. Changed my life.

Hill: Well, there you go. OK. Great answer.

Pitt: Thank you, Jonah, that's very kind.

Hill: I was thinking about that, when I make a movie I want to give this to my grandkids or whatever and go like, "here's what I spent my time doing."

Pitt: I think about that now with kids, I do now.

Hill: What did I do? Obviously it's 'Megamind,' our first film together.

Pitt: 'Megamind' is, I don't know if anyone is well aware of that.

Hill: This is our second collaboration.

Pitt: Of course, there too, we never met on that one either.

Hill: We didn't meet yet on that one. Well, we met in Italy a few years ago.

Pitt: Yeah I don't remember that.

Hill: You don't remember that?

Pitt: No.

Hill: You don't remember that?

Pitt: Of course I do.

Hill: We spent the whole time together.

Pitt: It was a Radiohead concert, right? In Milan.

Hill: Yeah, it was awesome.

Pitt: Yeah, it was very good. And they gave me some swanky room that I couldn't stay in with this huge – it had two floors – and this giant bathtub that was built for about eleven people. It was long, right.

Hill: Clear bottom. Top floor.

Pitt: Clear glass bottom. So anyone who's underneath, I don't know – well, I'm very clear what they were thinking.

Hill: And you left.

Pitt: I left and you took it and rocked that.

Hill: He gave me the room after he left.

Pitt: Jonah rocked it.

Hill: I had a great time. I bathed naked in that bathtub, set up a video camera on the bottom floor and saw myself bathe in a pool of my own urine (laughs).

Pitt: It was amazing.

Hill: Honestly, it was the coolest room I've ever seen. It was crazy and Brad left and was like here's the room and I was like sweet.

Pitt: I'm a dad, you know? Those days are over.

Hill: He's and old man, he's like 38 years old or something like that.

Pitt: I gotta pass along to the youngsters, let them reinvent it.

Hill: It was great. Thanks for that.

Pitt: Yeah.

Hill: That was a few years ago now here we are, we made a movie together. The world is this big, Brad. I'll tell you that right now.

Pitt: Yep. So true, so true. This is from Mark from Chicago: "If you were building your own baseball club would you use the Sabermetric system your characters use in the movie?"

Hill: Well, Mark if I were building my own baseball club the first thing I would do is laugh my ass of at the fact that someone thought I was capable of building my own baseball club. Secondly, I would go run around the field a bunch and have all my friends play a softball game. And then third, I would use the Sabermetric system that these guys use in the movie.

Pitt: Although everyone else is using it now.

Hill: Yeah so now everyone else is using it. Like I got to meet Theo Epstein, who is the GM of the Red Sox, who used the Sabermetric system to win the World Series when he was like a young dude, he was like 26 or 27, and that guy is awesome. So I just wanted to say what's up to Theo Epstein because that guy showed me a good time, he's awesome. And his friends are awesome. He was like, it's the coolest story ever, besides our story obviously, but he got all that stuff from this principle, then he broke the curse of the Red Sox.

Pitt: Bambino.

Hill: The Curse of the Bambino, yeah. Really cool. Cool guy. Did you know that? He was 26 and becomes the GM of the Red Sox, imagine what kind of girls he was dealing with at that point! Single dude, 26 whatever I'm not going to talk to you about this. Think about it. Theo, what's up man? Married with kids, a great guy now, but hell of a guy. Cut all this shit out please. I'm making everyone uncomfortable. I just can't imagine the awesomeness of his life. I don't know what the f-ck I'm talking about.

Pitt: Very much like the awesomeness of your life, yes?

Hill: Yeah kind of.

Pitt: You're a rock star.

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