The Longest Yard

Whether it's the sight of Reynolds squeezed painfully into a football uniform or the endless footballs-to-the-crotch and tired gay jokes, The Longest Yard has the feeling of mutton dressed as lamb. Full Review

If you're thinking of seeing it, and you're old enough to drive (or even read this), do yourself a favor and rent the original instead. Full Review

What was already a raucous put-on, a goof on Aldrich's brutal action movies, is now a hyperbolic, gross-out cartoon, with a cast of enormous ex-football stars (plus the 7-foot-2-inch Indian wrestler Dalip Singh) only adding to the air of facetiousness. Full Review

Sandler impressively assumes the Reynolds role here, with strong support by Reynolds himself and a slightly restrained but frequently hilarious Chris Rock. Full Review

That's what is missing from The Longest Yard most egregiously. Charm has been kept on the bench. Full Review