We don't actually read print media unless it's just lying there when we're drunk on the subway. That's why we missed this item in yesterday's New York Post: 200 or so highly speculative words on the post-Cruise condition of Katie Holmes' career. What sets this one apart from all the other 200-word-chunks of speculation? Some hilarious quotes. "This relationship is becoming as weird as Liza Minnelli's and David Gest" [sic], says a "friend" of Holmes, who worked with the actress on Pieces of April. Another friend claims that when Holmes moved out of her apartment building and into Cruise's manse, she left a box of Scientology pamphlets with her old building's doorman, and asked him to "pass the pamphlets out to residents." Yet another source contends that Cruise convinced his girlfriend to drop out of the lead role in an Edie Sedgwick biopic (which seems slightly plausible), and that the relationship itself caused Holmes to lose the role in A Prairie Home Companion that eventually went to Lindsay Lohan (which doesn't).