Here's the scariest opening sentence I've read in a while: "Jose Conseco has decided he'd like to be Hollywood's newest action hero." Robert W. Welkos explains how the baseball star plans to go about that in today's LA Times. Because money, which talks everywhere, blows down doors in Hollywood, rather than, I don't know, "pay dues", or "take acting lessons", the self-proclaimed "Godfather of steroids" (who, incidentally, worked security on the set of The Godfather) has hired a producer to shop him around Hollywood. Bob DeBrino, who until Sidney Lumet's upcoming Find Me Guilty had produced exactly nothing that you might have heard of, is shilling Canseco with a "demo tape" that features the jock twirlling numchucks in front of a scantily clad broad, and "showcas[ing] his more sensitive side" alongside his 8-year-old daughter Josie.  DeBrino's most notable credit is that he was Tom Sizemore's manager around the time the actor was faking pee tests with prosthetics. "Seems like everybody that comes my way is controversial," De Brino says. Uh-huh. Canseco claims to be impressed by the important people DeBrino is introducing him to, but I somehow doubt Dolph Lundgren has much clout with casting directors these days.

Let's do this: pretend you're a cigar-chomping producer sleaze, and pitch us a movie starring Jose Conseco in 25 words or less. Funniest answer in the comments by this time tomorrow gets 2 contributor stars.
tags sports
categories Movies, Cinematical