bernieI'm not kidding. It's been in the works for a decade already, but there's the small problem of rights - so there are lots of words for replicants to sing, they're just allowed on stage. Yet. But lots of other movie characters are, as the trend of turning films into stage musicals (aka "moviecals") reaches unprecedented heights.

The whole trend is sort of befuddling since Broadway ticket sales are going great guns at the moment, and I've heard that movies are in some sort of slump. Nevertheless, arriving on stage in the next year or so will be musical version of The Wedding Singer, Tarzan, The Little Princess and The Color Purple. Just the thought of Tarzan, the Musical makes my skin crawl - you know there will be at least three grammatically incorrect numbers sung while Tarzan is leaping gleefully from tree to tree. And that Jane will have a science degree but also huge boobs and an inescapable attraction to the macho-yet-sensitive Tarzan. (The Color Purple, oddly, seems like it might work. I mean, musicals need huge, dramatic emotions, and suffering is almost always a good thing when it's set to music, right?)

Also in the works (meaning rights are being negotiated, writers are being hired, music is being written, etc.) are such obvious choices as Batman, Dr. Zhivago, Cat Ballou, Shrek, and my personal favorite, Weekend at Bernie's. Really. Because everyone itches for a ballad around corpses. While it's useless to rant about how stupid most of these choices are, John Waters, whose Cry-Baby is also being musical-ized, might be the only person who understands what movies undergo the transition to singing and dancing most effectively. According to Waters, "Trashy movies make great musicals because they're more exaggerated and funnier. Musicals are about larger-than-life people." It's odd to have something logical appear in this story, but that makes perfect sense. It fails to explain, however, why someone thinks it would be a good idea to make Chili Palmer sing.
categories Movies, Cinematical