Katie HolmesMy mother used drugs. My sister, also, used drugs. My mother did it three times, and my sister did it twice, but I forgive them both because, well, they were squeezing large fleshy objects called "babies" out of their bodies at the time. Apparently this will not be the case with Katie Holmes and her upcoming release, The Spawn of Tom. Scientology, it seems, does not allow drugs to be used during child birth. New York Daily News quotes this line from L. Ron Hubbard's Dianetics: "Maintain silence in the presence of birth to save the sanity of the mother and the child and safeguard the home to which they will go."

Sure, whatever. Listen, Tom joined the Church of Scientology in the mid-1980s, and his career soon began to skyrocket with films like Top Gun, The Color of Money, and Rain Man. He obviously knows something we don't. Considering that Katie Holmes has been in some reputable movies but no huge blockbusters, it would probably be in her best interest to just take the pain as the child gnaws through her ribcage and explodes from her torso where seven armed guards will be ready to coerce the sub-creature into an iron cage with a slab of meat. If some mediocre sci-fi writer's inane pseudo-religion requires it, you really have no choice.

categories Movies, Cinematical