Since I'm getting married three weeks from today (how many seconds is that?), I felt it was somewhat appropriate that our theme revolve around this little obligation that binds you to one person for the rest of your life. Right now, I'm currently in the midst of writing my wedding vows which, if you've never had the pleasure, could probably be compared to studying for the hardest, most challenging final exam you will ever take - knowing you'll probably fail it. Perhaps I can learn a lesson from the couples featured in this week's Trailer Park:
- Oh, where would this world be without Ben Affleck? Strike that - where would this world be without films that attempt to portray Hollywood agents as real people from the planet Earth? In Man About Town, Ass-Fleck learns to express himself, after finding his wife cheating, through writing in a diary. Hmm, maybe they should've called this one "Man I'm About To Blow Ten Dollars On This Piece Of Crap Hoping It Will Be The Only Film She Forces Me To Take Her To This Year." Or not. [Note: This isn't a trailer, it's three extended clips.]
- Dennis Quaid and Rene Russo star in a remake of Yours, Mine and Ours; a film that could best be described as The Brady Bunch times three. Sure, they're no Lucille Ball and Henry Fonda, but if the movie is to succeed at one thing, it will be to deter me from ever having 18 kids.
- When Dermot Mulroney brings his uptight bride-to-almost-be home for the holidays to meet his extremely liberal family, either he'll be faced with catastrophe, or a guy like me who simply wants to know why in the world anyone would name their son Dermot? Is The Family Stone really worth it or should I pawn my ticket for something that doesn't include the words Sarah Jessica Parker?
- His wife is sick, his brother is missing and now he's in a film that has Fargo rip-off written all over it. Man, whatever will Robin Williams do? Well, he can take The Big White corpse he just happened to find in the trash and attempt to pass it off as his blood in order to collect the insurance money. That's if he can dodge two mobsters and sweet talk the irritating Giovanni Ribisi. What? In critic-speak, I thought irritating meant wonderful and adorable?
- James Gandolfini and Susan Sarandon attempt to salvage their marriage by singing and dancing alongside an all-star cast. All I know is that it's hard to keep my mind spotless when Kate Winslet looks so damn good. Romance and Cigarettes may get me in the theater, but it's my love for Christopher Walken's dance moves that will ultimately piss off the person in front of me. Oops, was that a knee?