The Libertine

Sometimes when you see a preview for a movie, you can immediately hear the complaining that people are going to throw at it, and see the letters to the editor in your head. Whether it's politics, sexual orientation (which, these days, seems more like politics than sex), or a Venom who is totally too wimpy, some trailers are just going to piss people off. So, this week, in an effort to fill in for Erik while he's off lounging on a beach celebrating his nuptials, I present to you a few movies that your more sensitive friends might want to skip:

  • Brokeback Mountain: Let's just get the most obvious one out of the way, shall we? "Jake Gyllenhaal and Heath Ledger are cowboys? Cool. They seem like macho dudes - and handsome enough to look legit. Wait, what? They're homosdeviant characters?! No! This cannot be. No cowboy has ever looked at another man in that disgusting way. EVER! And I didn't call them 'handsome.'"
  • Looking for Comedy in the Muslim World: "Why, the entire premise of this movie is patently absurd! These people don't hate us because they don't have a sense of humor. They hate us because we don't respect them. Because we invade their countries and tell them what to do. You say we haven't invaded India and Pakistan? Well, that's true - not yet. There's no telling what this administration will do next. And he asks how many of them speak English? What an insult. Most of the people of Indian speak better English than our very own president."
  • The Libertine: "My Lord! This movie is all about sex! Sex, sex, sex. It's just this sort of lewd, suggestive, repulsive material that's destroying the youth of America today. Children look up to Johnny Depp, you know. The man is a pirate. We cannot have him galavanting around, promoting sex outside of marriage and engaging in God only knows what sort of disgusting acts with any young woman (or man, probably - look at his hair) who happens by! This is an outrage."