Bad Santa Screw Santa! Since my family is "religiously confused," growing up I never really got to know the jolly man. My father thought we were Jewish, my mother was convinced we were Catholic and the neighbors thought we were crazy.  In one hand I'd be lighting a candle on the Menorah, and in the other, I'd be placing an ornament on our enormous tree. Of course, I wasn't complaining when my parents felt bad and just bought me presents for both Chanukah and Christmas. I was a kid. And presents were good. However, since my parents focused all of their moronic energy on making me feel as if I belonged to something, I never really learned the true meaning of either holiday. Therefore, I spent most of my time in front of the television, while watching some idiot actor take on the role of Santa Claus. Who was this Santa Claus anyway?  Being the curious kid that I was, I anxiously hoped the warm glow from off the television set would somehow define this guy for me. And it did - but not in that magical "wish-list, North Pole, milk and cookies" kind of way. I'm talking the "if that guy comes down my chimney at three in the morning, you bet your ass he'll be getting a baseball bat to the side of the head" sort of deal. And so here are seven really bad movie Santas that helped me grow to appreciate how corrupt and ridiculous Christmas can sometimes be...
categories Features, Cinematical