Pretend you're a studio executive. Into your huge, lovely office walks the agent for Don Rhymer who, he reminds you proudly, wrote the brilliant screenplay for Big Momma's House 2. He sits down on the plastic stool you have for agents (Keep them uncomfortable and they say their piece and get out -- it's smarts like this that got you were you are today!), and hits you with the following pitch.

"So, these two guys -- they're neighbors, right? Oh, and it's the holiday season. Lots of bows on things, and carolers and whatnot -- can you see it? Yeah, totally Norman Rockwell. So, one neighbor decides that he's going to -- oh, this is so great, you won't believe it! -- he's going to decorate his house with so many lights that it can be seen from SPACE! Hahaha! Brilliant, right? And the other guy, you know, he's all mad about having something like that next door to him, and they have these great, totally hilarious fights. What? Well, yeah, ok. It's just like Christmas Vacation. Sure. But still -- funny, right? And here's the big news: John Whitesell had such a great experience with Don when he directed Big Momma's House 2 that he said he'd come along for this project, as well! I mean, how often can you bring a great team like that back together? We're thinking it'll be a great, wacky project for Tim Allen! What do you say?"

And, because from the moment Big Momma's House 2 was mentioned you've been singing a little "$120 million worldwide before home video release" song in your head and haven't heard a word, you say "SOLD!", and then turn around and call Matthew Broderick and Danny DeVito, whose brains you happen to know were recently eaten by alien spores, and they are eager to star in your movie. With a smug smile on your face, you pencil All Lit Up (Get it?) in for December 2006 on your personal release calendar and go back to counting your money while the world weeps.
categories Movies, Cinematical