Dammit people! If you would just stop spending money on American Pie releases, they would stop coming. Apparently you don't understand this, because you went and dropped millions (and millions and millions) of dollars on the straight-to-DVD release, thus giving life to a franchise that, by rights, should have died long ago. So, you have only yourselves to blame for this: American Pie Presents: The Naked Mile. Yeah yeah -- it's a little late for apologies now, don't you think?

This installment will focus on yet another Stifler, Adam, who somehow became a high school senior without anyone noticing he existed. Ah, but he's just a cousin, so don't worry. Really, he's been there all along. Anyway, Adam is having some trouble living up to the Stifler name, because he's a good kid, who actually "respects his girlfriend's desire to wait to have sex." Jeez, what a loser, huh? Luckily, he and some friends get to leave the ball and chain behind for a weekend when they visit some Stiflers (don't be shocked if you don't recognize any of them) at college, and party like rock stars. Oh, and run around naked. Rest assured there will be foreign exchange students and boobs around every corner.

What's even more depressing about this is that the movie's being directed by Joe Nussbaum. You remember him -- he's the guy who Erik told you about the other day with the dream life: wrote and directed George Lucas in Love, got the attention of his idol, and just sold a script to Warner Brothers. I suppose he's got to eat but, man, does it have to be Pie?