Word on the street is that Nicole Kidman and country rocker/fellow Aussie Keith Urban are engaged. This puts quite a dent in my plans to marry Nicole, I must say. You see, I've been on the Kidman bandwagon since the seventh grade when I saw her in 'Dead Calm.' That was before she'd met Tom Cruise, before she was an Oscar winner, before anyone knew who she was. Man, those were good times, peaceful times. In fact, I think Nicole was my first celebrity crush. No, actually she was my second. I had a thing for the half-human, half-alien girl on 'V: The Series' first. Man, wonder what happened to her.
But wow, you have to wonder how Cruise is handling the news of Nicole's engagement. He seems awfully happy with Katie Holmes and their new baby, but it's never pleasant hearing that your ex has moved on. I know the news stung me a little bit.
That said, I'm finding solace in the arms (figuratively, of course) of my new celebrity girlfriend, Elizabeth Banks. She happens to be married, but for the purposes of this post, please disregard that fact. In any case, for those of you who don't know Elizabeth by name, she was the really, really ridiculously kinky girl in 'The 40-Year-Old Virgin' and the star of this year's insanely underseen horror-comedy 'Slither.' She's also got a flick called 'Invincible' coming out later this summer (Aug. 25, to be exact), but that's not the source of my infatuation. My longing for her -- or rather the character she was portraying -- began around 9:01 PM EDT last night, when I first glimpsed her in the season finale of 'Scrubs.' She was playing a urologist, which to me means that her character is smart and possesses a better-than-average knowledge of certain manly parts. She was also cute as hell, had a great sense of humor and uttered lines like, "See you at six, wear something slutty. Zoom, zoom, zoom!" Elizabeth, I will ... and I will.