Due to the potential for an Opus Dei Smack-down, Tom Hanks has hired extra security to protect him from Da Vinci Dissenters. Other possible safety threats? Legions of teenage girls driven rabid by his new, uber-sexy, hair-do. Lucky for Ron Howard's safety, he can depend on a close connection to the underbelly of Hollywood's D-List. One phone call to his younger/scarier brother, Clint Howard, and the pint-sized hell-raiser from Leprechaun 2 and the roving band of murderous toys from Silent Night/Deadly Night 5 will be at his beck and call.
Sharon Stone and Robin Williams co-hosted an AIDS benefit in Cannes last night. Williams was his typical manic self and tried to grab laughs wherever he could find them. The RV star pretended to be a waiter, sang with Wyclef, joked about Angelina's baby and
sprayed fecal matter all over himself. Other guests included Samuel L. Jackson, Rosario Dawson, and Willem Dafoe. The Christine Lahti Award for inappropriate bathroom breaks went to Lance Armstrong for missing his call up to the podium in favor of answering nature's call. Lance Armstrong - he's just like us! Except when he goes to the bathroom, he makes Tour de France Gold Records.
"Tree-sitting" is the newest craze to hit Tinsel-Town. Begone the days of "Tree-Hugging", ye shall be banished to the land of Ugg Boots and Skeet Ulrich. Daryl Hannah and Laura Dern are the newest movie stars to attach themselves to Joan Baez's effort to save a patch of inner-city L.A. that is being used as a mini-farm for poor people. Despite Hannah's vertigo, she hoisted herself into a tree to show her solidarity against the property owner who is demanding $16 million dollars for the land. Fund-raising suggestions? I have ten words and one number. Grumpy Old Men 3: The Grumpiest of all Grumpy Old Men.