In honor of this weekend's release of Vince Vaughn and Jennifer Aniston's'The Break-Up,' I have compiled a list of some of cinema's most memorable relationship finales. Without further adieu, I present to you the First Annual Tommy D. Movie Break-Up Awards.
Best Relationship Ended by a Bus:Brad Pitt and Claire Forlani, 'Meet Joe Black.'After meeting in a coffee shop and feeling those oh-so-special sparks of genuine love at first sight, it seems as though Pitt and Forlani are on their way to romantic heaven. As it turns out, only Pitt is headed to heaven. Mere seconds after saying goodbye to Claire, Brad gets crushed by a bus, flipped into an oncoming car, spun by another car and finally (I think I remember this) run over by a 14-year-old girl on roller blades. Perhaps the title for this flick should have been 'Meet Joe Maker.'
Most Sincere Reaction to Getting the Ax From Your High-School Sweetheart:John Cusack, 'Say Anything ...' When Diane Court (Ione Skye) has the audacity to dump Lloyd Dobler in his Chevy Malibu, Lloyd does what even the captain of your high-school football team probably did many times but would never have the cojones to admit: He drives around in the rain crying, utters one of the best lines ever ("I gave her my heart; she gave me a pen."), leaves insane but romantic messages on Diane's answering machine and blares Peter Gabriel's 'In Your Eyes' outside her window.
Most Unforgettably Forgettable Relationship:Jim Carrey and Kate Winslet, 'Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind.' Having every memory of your ex intentionally erased from your mind is either the greatest compliment (you still love them, but don't want to live with the hurt) or the biggest insult (you'd rather clutter up your cerebral hard drive with the lyrics to the latest Creed album than use it for memories of your former beloved). Luckily for Jim Carrey, Kate Winslet expunges him for the former reason, which is probably why even when they've both wiped away all memories of each other, they can't remember NOT to fall in love again.
Best Expression of the Conflicting Feelings of Love and Hate One Has Post-Break-Up: Again John Cusack, this time in 'High Fidelity.' Having just gotten the boot from Catherine Zeta-Jones, an understandably upset Cusack skulks around outside her apartment, finally screaming the immortal line, "Charlie, you f&!#in' bitch, let's work it out!" Need I say more?
Words You Least Want to Hear from a Complete Stranger Who Turns Up at Your Door While You and Your Girlfriend Are Still Arguing About the Fact That You Just Discovered She's a Cheating Nympho: "I'm here for the gang bang" -- as told to Luke Wilson in 'Old School.'
I know I've left a ton of great blow-outs, break-ups, etc. off this list. If anyone has additions or new awards they'd like dedicated in their name (or even a shorter name for that last award above), please do share.
The Break-Up, Vince Vaughn, Jennifer Aniston, summer movies