What, did you think we quit our celebrity gossip feature already? Heck no! I've taken this sucker by storm with every intention to piss off at least one fan per story. And if I don't succeed? Well, actually, I'm pretty sure I'll piss someone off. Let's get started ...

How about we set sail with newlyweds Bryce Dallas Howard and Seth Gabel. First off, who the hell is Seth Gabel and how on earth did he manage to sneak his way into this power family? There's a book I wouldn't mind reading: "How Marrying Ron Howard's Daughter and Winning the Lottery Are One and the Same." Anyway, after a super-secret five-year relationship, the two youngsters married last month, then decided to take a cruise for their honeymoon ... with the entire Howard family. That's right, Papa Ron flew the family to Turkey where they picked up a boat and went sailing along Africa's north coast. Sheesh, there goes all the post-wedding "excitement." I mean, who would want to get "busy" knowing your Academy-Award winning father-in-law is sleeping right next door? Hey, should Seth make a wrong move, perhaps M. Night Shyamalan would produce a sequel to his upcoming Lady in the Water and call it, "Lady's Ex-Husband in the Water."

Poor Russell Crowe. No matter where this guy goes, he always manages to cause destruction. Lucky for him, this time there was no damage done to any human being. Instead, Crowe banged up his Mercedes after visiting his wife and newborn son, Tennyson, in the hospital. Tennyson? What? Why? The Gladiator star somehow drove his car into a concrete pylon outside The Royal North Shore Private Hospital in Sydney causing several thousand dollars in damage. Nice one, mate! Crowe later returned to pick up his family in a black Porsche and was seen carrying a telephone in case any more pylons decided to attack.

According to Page Six, anti-rape activists are pretty pissed off at the Jerusalem Film Festival for honoring Roman Polanski with a Life Achievement Award. Back in 1978, the Academy Award-winning director fled the country after seducing a 13-year-old model in a hot tub. However, that hasn't stopped him from making great films ... somewhere else. One rape survivor went as far as to call the Los Angeles district attorney's office and found out Polanski's warrant is still active. I say this calls for a sequel to Midnight Run where Robert De Niro is paid $20,000 bucks to locate Polanski and bring him back to Los Angeles. Hilarity ensues.

categories Movies, Cinematical