Katie Holmes' Parents Ban Wedding!
Hey, so Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes are getting married! Wait, weren't they married already? Oh no, they were supposed to get married last year. And then last month. And then on Mars. And then people stopped caring, so now they're getting married again sometime towards the end of this month or in early August. However, the third cousin of a dead relative who's friends with someone that went to pre-school with Katie is now telling the press Holmes' parents, Martin and Kathleen, plan to skip the wedding because they don't believe in this Scientology nonsense. See, Scientology is to Catholics what Kryptonite is to Superman -- supposedly (and this is just something I heard) if a Catholic comes anywhere near a Scientologist, their face will melt all Raiders of the Lost Ark like. Crazy, huh?
Snakes on a Plane: The Music Video!
The first music single for Snakes on a Plane was released in video form and, well, it's real lame. But what did you expect with lyrics like, "Ladies and Gentlemen/the snakes are slitherin'/with dollar signs in their eyes/with some so reptilian?" Huh? Dollar signs? Snakes? Did I mention Samuel L. Jackson makes a cameo for, like, three seconds? Unfortunately for you SOAP fanatics, there is no footage from the film in the video. On the other hand, fortunately for people like me, there is no footage from the film in the video. Snakes? Dollar signs? Someone wake me after everyone is through kissing this film's ass.
Chevy Chase is Nasty ... and a Pervert!
Back in the day, when Chevy Chase ruled comedy, he could get away with making stupid remarks and sound cool. Because he was Chevy ... and Chevy is a cool name. However, times have changed and Chevy is as washed up as they come. According to Page Six, the actor recently saw an ad for The Break-Up and had no idea who Vince Vaughn was. In fact, he said Vaughn looked like a refrigerator repair man. That's nice. Hey Chevy, when is National Lampoon'sNebraska Vacation coming out? Do let us know. Cheers. (Oh, and he also calls his daughter a whore ... for fun. Seriously, read the article. What a guy.)