Seven years ago, I showed up to my first day of work at a brand new job with sh*t smeared up and down the back of my clothing. Yes, sh*t. The real kind. The smelly kind. Till this day, I have no idea how it found its way onto my clothes. Did I lean up against something on the train? Did someone smear it on me as part of an elaborate practical joke? I don't know. However, I didn't notice it until five minutes before the start of the work day. In five minutes, the office would be filled with people I had never met in my life. In five minutes, my new boss would arrive to show me around and introduce me to the staff. In five minutes, life as I knew it could come to an end.
Everyone has an embarrassing story to tell. More often than not, these stories end with you brainstorming several different excuses to somehow justify whatever humiliating event just slapped you across the face. Yes, it sucks. And for a brief period of time, you want to hide. You want to disappear. You want so badly for a time machine to exist -- rewind the clock, avoid everything. However, life doesn't work out that way. We have to accept things. We have to move on. Sh*t happens.
In an instant, I ran to the bathroom. There I was, on my first day of work right out of college, standing over a sink in my boxer shorts, feverishly trying to wipe sh*t off my clothes. I wouldn't wish this situation upon even my worst enemies. So, I did the best I could do and used a lot of soap. I spent the remainder of the day meeting several managers and employees, with the first words out of mouth being, "Oh, by the way -- if you smell sh*t, it's me." True story.
Thanks to everyone for sending in shorts for this week! Without your help, I'd feel so alone and scared. Oh, and speaking of feeling scared, next week I am going to focus on the horror genre. Your assignment: Find me some spooky scary short film, tell me why you think it rocks and send all links to shorts at cinematical dot com. If I sh*t my pants, perhaps I'll throw it into next week's edition of Eat My Shorts. Got it? Good. Let's go watch some shorts ...