When I was a kid, we had an awesome, semi-robotic toy that had "Mr. Machine" printed on its flat, plastic top hat. Mr. Machine's body was see-through, and filled with colorful gears, and when you wound him up, he rolled forward making all sorts of cheerful, air-powered booping and wheezing noises. Though perhaps I've not described him in a way that makes you want to run out and buy yourself his brother, trust me on this: Mr. Machine rocked. So I was thrilled -- if a bit confused -- when I read this morning of Universal's plans to make a movie about him. "Yes!", I thought. "The man with the plastic red hat is coming to the big screen!" Granted, it seemed sort of weird, but let's face it: Someone is making a movie about crayons. Pretty much anything is possible.

Unfortunately, it turns out that those bastards just stole the toy's name, and are clearly hoping that everyone who had a Mr. Machine as a child will be deceived into seeing their stupid movie. According to The Hollywood Reporter, Universal's movie -- from a pitch by, of all people, David Gordon Green -- is "a throwback to the high-concept Amblinfamilycomedies of the 1980s" about "three brainy slackers who build a robot that wants to take over the world." Though there's no indication that Napoleon will appear on screen (thank goodness for small favors), the Heder clan are in talks to executive produce the project.

I say we boycott unless someone shows up in a plastic top hat with the movie's title on it. Who's with me?
categories Movies, Cinematical