Every time we think Hollywood has hit the deepest depths of looniness, someone comes along and lowers the bottom. Get this: Michael Birnbaum'sEmpire Pictures (no, not that Empire Pictures) has purchased the movie & TV rights to ... Sea-Monkeys. Yes, Sea-Monkeys, those lovable specimens of ever-hibernating brine shrimp that were sold on the back covers of comic books all over the universe. (Coming Soon: X-Ray Specs: The Movie!)

Birnbaum apparently sees some sort of Smurfs-style sensation in the Sea-Monkeys, and just wait till you get a load of these Variety quotes: "I grew up with Sea-Monkeys," (Birnbaum) said. "The property's instant name recognition on a global basis makes it a platform from which to launch an animated film franchise." So what he basically means is: Lots of people recognize the phrase "sea-monkeys," and therefore one simply must make a movie franchise out of said phrase. Even better is the quote from Transcience CEO Yolanda von Braunhut, who said "Dozens of producers have inquired about making a Sea-Monkeys film over the years, but Michael's passion and vision made him the clear choice to guide these lovable and telepathic beings who want to be our friends on their journey to the silver screen."

Passion and vision. Lovable and friends. Dude. They're BRINE SHRIMP, tiny little genetically-enhanced Artemia branchiopods (generally referred to as "water fleas") that you probably bought 20 years ago, only to let the silly little creatures die in 2.3 days. Coming soon to a theater DVD rack near you.
categories Movies, Cinematical