Last year came a grimy, grungy and aggressively inept horror movie called Chaos, which began its existence as an official remake of Wes Craven'sThe Last House on the Left, but shook itself free of that connection some time before release date. Despite the fact that Chaos is (in every way) a carbon copy of LHOTL, the filmmakers actually had the audacity balls to put an "original story" credit in their scroll. I'm guessing the only thing that kept Wes Craven out of a litigator's office was the realization that Chaos was so freakin' awful that he'd be better off never even bringing it up.

All of which makes this newly-announced "official" LHOTL remake seem kind of ... redundant. Then again, redundancy is what keeps the Horror Remake Machine well-oiled and churning merrily along, so perhaps it's a silly thing to whine over. For those who choose not to dabble in Cinema du Extra Harsh, Craven's Last House on the Left is about a pair of teenage girls who get beaten, molested, abused, tortured, raped and killed by a bunch of slovenly criminals -- and the parents who strike back with equal amounts of viciousness. (Suffice to say you won't be seeing a Disney version anytime soon.)

No word on who'll be writing, directing and/or starring in this new-fangled House, but Craven and his old-school producing partners (Marianne Maddalena and Sean S. Cunningham) are expected to earn Universal paychecks and opening-title credits without breaking much of a sweat. Also, Mr. Craven dropped a few hints regarding alleged remakes of both Shocker and The People Under the Stairs, which is news so arcane that my snark-meter just broke.
categories Cinematical