Y'know, if Uwe Boll decides to off himself one day, we're all gonna feel pretty darn awful about it. Seriously, we will. No matter how earth-shatteringly ridiculous the guy's movies are (and dear jeebus are they), he's still a human being with thoughts and hopes and emotions and dreams -- plus, and I mean this, the modern movie landscape really is a whole lot more colorful with a little Uwe mixed in. If there was no Boll, who would we make fun of? Adam Shankman? Meh. Movie geeks like us need our Uwe Bolls. Plus I'll go on record right now with a semi-compliment for for the guy: His movies sure aren't boring. And nowadays Boll's flicks are funnier than Adam Sandler's. Intent be damned, laughs are laughs.

Having said all that, Seed, Dr. B's next movie is based on the following premise: "If a death row convict survives three full zaps in the electric chair, then legally he is allowed to go free." (What lawyer came up with that rule, and more importantly, what event predicated such a bizarre loophole?) As if a guy who survives 15,000 volts (times three) would be in any condition to "go" anywhere other than a well-staffed burn unit. But we're talking about Uwe Boll, most likely fresh from a VHS screening of Wes Craven'sShocker, so perhaps now isn't the time to be discussing things that make sense. So with the ultra-anticipated-by-me In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale somewhere on the limited-release-for-six-days horizon, Dr. B is now hard at work on Seed, evidence of which can be found at SKNR.net -- but don't be stealing those photos because they're extra-exclusive and whatnot.

Starring Ralf Moeller as the warden, Michael Paré as the detective, Andrew Jackson as the doctor, and Will Sanderson as extra-crispy bucket 'o' serial killer Max Seed, Seed is Uwe Boll's first non-video game production since the head-smackingly awful Heart of America, which I once referred to as "the Colombine tragedy as translated into coloring book form." Anyway, the quicker Uwe gets done with Seed, the sooner we'll have a new project to chuckle over. I hope the guy makes eight more movies in the next five years. (He's already started on this one -- and you thought you'd never see a movie starring Ron Perlman and Gary Coleman.)
categories Cinematical