The long and storied James Bond franchise contains several unique components that seem to pop up in practically every chapter: The catchy pop tunes, the amazing Bond-babes, the generally-stellar action prologues, the goofy gadgets, etc. And those are all great, I suppose, except when the tunes stink, the babes can't act, the action is blah and the gadgets are silly. Doesn't happen all the time, but I like a little more consistency in my regular Bond-bits -- which is why I chose the topic I did for the inaugural installment of our brand-new Cinematical Seven Marathon, which will run all week up until the release of Casino Royale -- which I hear is actually pretty good. (And considering how much I hate the last few Bond movies, I consider that very good news indeed.)

So join us for for a little sidekick silliness as we go through the Cinematical Seven: The Very Weirdest Bond Henchmen!

Xenia Onatopp (Famke Janssen) in GoldenEye (1995) -- She's smart, she's sexy, she's got a silly accent -- and she's absolutely deadly ... provided, of course, that you happen to be located directly between her killer thighs. And I do mean killer. Ms. Janssen turned her Bond stint into quite the solid career; in addition to the X-Men trilogy, she can also be seen in House on Haunted Hill, Rounders, I Spy and (a personal favorite) Deep Rising.

Diamondface Zao
(Rick Yune) in Die Another Day (2002) -- Frankly I can't even remember what this guy did, only that he somehow had a bunch of diamonds wedged into his face. And was mean. Honestly I think Die Another Day is (far and way) the lamest Bond movie ever -- and yes, I've seen The Man with the Golden Gun. Other than in The Fast and the Furious, Mr. Yune can sometimes be seen on Alias and CSI.
categories Features, Cinematical