Step right up, ladies and gents, and get a peek at the amazing three-headed undercooked movie! It's Primeval, folks, and it's a horror flick, an action movie and an unintentional comedy at the same time! But wait, there's more! Not only is this sad and somewhat sorry excuse for a matinee packing two more genre formulae than it actually needs, but it also hits the screens more than three months before its due date! It's a stompin', chompin' lunatic romp, my friends! Thrill at the unfinished CGI! Shriek at the outrageously silly crocodile footage! Chuckle at the downright ineptitude of the plot holes, the doofy dialogue and the egregious editorial mishaps! Hurry now, moviegoers, because Primeval is sure to vanish from your local multiplex in the time it took you to say "Wow, I've never even heard of this movie!"
And yet, despite all that, I still had a halfway-decent time with the 100-some minutes of Primeval, if only in a campy, kooky cheese-fest sorta way -- but what's a little bit irritating is that the flick has just enough quality components to make you annoyed the movie's not a whole lot better. Then again, you'd have to be a pretty big schlock-lover to be able to locate the few stray nuggets of giddy entertainment buried within such a half-baked movie. But they're in there, believe me.