To kick things off, Erik, Monika and Kim are liveblogging the red carpet coverage on E! The newest stuff is on top; read down to go back in time.
Erik: Ah, there's nothing like the classic production shot -- with a bunch of guys who were probably so pissed they had to actually dress up to sit in a room and yell, "Take, Seacrest!" Holy cow, the song Lady in Red was written for moments like this, with Nicole Kidman. Ryan asks about her car accident, and it's almost like she wants to say, "Actually Ryan, you're the car accident." Weird Keith Urban answer -- where is he, again?
And that about wraps us up -- check out our final predictions post, and we'll see you in just a bit for the ceremony. Yay, no more Ryan Seacrest ... until Tuesday ... and Wednesday ... and Thursday.
Kim: Queen Latifah, who will be presenting with John Travolta, looks fantastic. Cut to a shot of Abigail Breslin, looking cute as a button in an age-appropriate pink dress. She is SO damn cute. Now we're onto Meryl Streep. It seems everyone in the cast of The Devil Wears Prada got together and said, "Hey, let's do Opposite Day at the Oscars! Since we're in a film about fashion, we'll all dress badly!" Jay was picking on Anne Hathaway's gown earlier, he should have a heyday with Meryl.
Monika: Oh yes, I'm sure you were looking at Tracey Edmunds before Eddie Murphy. That went relatively smoothly, but I was more distracted by the enormous, hideous bow on Nicole Kidman's dress. The lady needs to eat a cheeseburger and not pick bows bigger than her cranium.
And Ms. Winslet is now talking to Ryan and still looks lovely. Ricky JARVIS. Who is that? Ricky Gervais. If he is going to send Kate special messages, you think he'd know how to say his name. I think Ricky's Siamese would be better than Seacrest at this job. Queen Latifah looks scared to walk up to Seacrest. Now he looks like a little person. And finally, Reese still looks hot, and the other Ryan is still crazy for dumping her.
Erik: Ryan is with Cate Blanchett, who looks like a silver statue. Very elegant. She will "die of shock" if she somehow beats Jennifer Hudson. Yikes ... although it would be an interesting acceptance speech. And then we cut to Ellen Degeneres on the set of her American Express commercial? And we care about this, why? All it does is make us want to see that turtle host the Oscars instead of her. Not a good thing.
Kim: Nice shot of J Lo looking sultry with Marc Antony. Not crazy about that dress, and what's up with her Mary Tyler Moore hairdo. Now we're examining Beyonce. Hate her dress, but I'm glad to see her boobies covered. We saw enough of them at the Golden Globes. Jay isn't digging on her dress either.
On the other hand, Gwyneth Paltrow looks amazing. Very much better than that dreadful goth look she had a few years back. This year she opts for long, straight tresses and a gorgeous an apricot-ish gown. The earrings don't do it for me, though, and the lipstick is a little too red for the dress. Jay apparently doesn't like it, because they had to take a break for Ryan to schmooze with Beyonce before breaking out The Pen.
Monika: Ryan cried while watching Prada. Anne Hathaway is being nice, and not telling him what a tool he is. Just before this, Kirsten Dunst showed up, fixing tuxes in her doily with dead birds at her feet. It's hideous. It looks like the trio are agreeing with me. I'm ignoring their detailed commentary, and imagining Sacha Baron Cohen lying on a chaise, half-nude, waiting to be fed strawberries.
Alan Arkin looks like Alan Arkin. I think he wants to deck Seacrest, or just pretend he can't hear him. They're talking about their futile plans to keep little Abigail from hearing profanities. Gwyneth is looking amazing... But first up is Forest. He doesn't want to forget anyone. If he wins, I predict a LONG acceptance speech.