This Sunday, director James Cameron and archaeologist Simcha Jacobovici will premiere a new documentary on the Discovery Channel entitled "The Lost Tomb of Jesus," which lays out evidence that a well-known holy relic called The Talpiot Tomb is in fact the crypt that once held the bones of Jesus Christ. The press release states that "scientific evidence, including DNA analysis conducted at one of the world's foremost molecular genetics laboratories, as well as studies by leading scholars, suggests a 2,000-year-old Jerusalem tomb could have once held the remains of Jesus of Nazareth and his family. The findings also suggest that Jesus and Mary Magdalene might have produced a son named Judah." The press release also noted that this could be "the greatest archaeological find in history," since it could satisfy many that, you know, there's no God.
Cameron, Jacobovici and others will hold a news conference at 11:00 a.m today to prepare the world for the documentary. The relics in question are ten coffins, unearthed by a construction crew in the early 1980s in a suburb of Jerusalem. Each of the coffins were preserved in a hidden cave that archaeologists estimate to be 2,000 years old. For the last twenty years, careful analysis has been done to decode the names on the caskets, and here are the names they finally came up with: Jesua, Joseph, Mary, Mary, Matthew, Jofa and Judah. Sounds like the right family tree to me.
Mitochondrial DNA tests have been done on the coffins thought to be that of Jesus and Mary Magdalene at Lakehead University's Paleo-DNA laboratory -- the tests showed that the two individuals had no maternal DNA linkage. Rumor has it that Cameron may actually display the coffins during today's news conference. I'm not going to tell you where in New York Cameron will be speaking, because I don't want you to turn up and assassinate him or anything, but just to comfort the fanatics out there, Cameron hasn't announced any plans to scoop Jesus's DNA off the coffin and resurrect him (again) or anything. So everyone please take this news in stride.