I'm 37. If I lived in medieval times, I'd have five kids and about five years left to live. If I lived in Victorian England, I'd have a block-rocking mustache, three kids and work in either the mines or the docks. But in the 21st Century, 37 is not old; I have dreams, hopes, aspirations, action figures. Still, I felt old watching the beginning of Aqua Teen Hunger Force Colon Movie Film for Theaters; I felt clueless, slow, uncool -- like I'd been left out of the joke. But, as ATHFCMFfT unspooled, I felt less old -- primarily because I realized I wasn't left out of the joke; rather, there was no joke to get.

Created as time-filler for Cartoon Network's "Adult Swim" late-night programming block, Aqua Teen Hunger Force the TV show followed the adventures of talking, mobile, super-powered fast-food items. And by "adventures," I mean the opposite of adventures -- squabbling with each other, dodging work, arguing with their landlord. There's Frylock (voiced by Carey Means), the smartest of the crew; Master Shake (Dana Snyder), dim and vain; and Meatwad (Dave Willis), bone-stupid and bonelessly malleable.

Begun by Dave Willis and Matt Maiellaro, Aqua Teen Hunger Force has run for five seasons; I couldn't tell you if that's a good or bad thing, as I've never been able to watch an episode through. Oh, people I know love ATHF -- unabashedly, and I don't think it's just drug-induced -- but it has no sticking power for me. And showing me ATHF bigger and longer and uncut doesn't do much to change that.