Can Roland Emmerich's10,000 B.C. survive if it doesn't feature New York City either under water, under ice or being attacked by aliens and/or giant lizards? That's the question I had after watching the first teaser trailer for 10,000 B.C. -- Emmerich's latest epic, effects-laced extravaganza. From the guy who brought us Independence Day, the updated Godzilla and The Day After Tomorrow comes a film that ... I don't even know what to say. It's like Apocalypto, but extremely Hollywood-ized. Once you get past all the running and animal-fighting, the first question you'll probably have is ... what language will this film be in? I can't answer that for sure, but since it's coming from Warner Bros. and Legendary Pictures (300), I assume everyone spoke English back in 10,000 B.C. I mean, the Spartans did, so why wouldn't these prehistoric mammoth hunters?
It's a no-brainer; I really can't see a major studio like Warners taking a chance on a big-budgeted flick that either doesn't have dialogue or is in a different language. It just wouldn't make sense. But we're used to seeing the historical facts smudged a whole lot when it comes to huge Hollywood flicks, so I won't hold that against the film. That being said, this is only a teaser. Does it look cool? Yeah. But that's as far as I can go. All of Emmerich's films "look" cool, but I've always found the stories are told on a third grade level. Hopefully this one will carry a bit more substance, instead of two hours worth of half-naked men chasing mammoths around with spears. I have no problem checking my brain at the door for certain things, but I'm getting tired of people using that excuse for every other film that gets released. But perhaps I'm in the minority on that one. Who knows. 10,000 B.C. arrives in theaters on March 7, 2008.