Three things are certain in life: death, taxes, and the fact that if you run an Insert Caption contest for Balls of Fury, you'll get lots of entries containing the word "balls." Throw in Christopher Walken, and you've got more cowbell than you can shake a paddle at. Well, we asked for it. Honorable mention goes to those who boldly tried to replicate Walken's speech; they were noble efforts all, reminiscent of a young Walken cooking chicken. At any rate, here are the winners, each now the proud recipient of a pack of balls, a Ping-Pong paddle (just one -- how sad) and as my colleague Alexis so succinctly puts it, "one pair of large men's briefs with 'balls' stamped right where it counts":
1. "Needs more cowballs."
2. "I got next!"
-- Daniel West
3. "And now for the happy ending!"
This week we bring you a movie that's incredibly similar to Balls of Fury, and that's 3:10 to Yuma -- after all, they say Christian Bale and Russell Crowe are the Christopher Walken and Dan Fogler of our time. Seriously, this remake of the classic Western is getting tons of Oscar buzz, so if your caption wins the contest and the movie wins an Oscar, you'll be only one degree removed from the Oscar, right? Except you'll be the proud owner of his-and-hers Yuma t-shirts instead of some silly gold-plated paperweight. Write 'em, cowboy, and see you next week.