Recently, director Quentin Tarantino said that he'd love to "make a cool sex movie that would take place in Stockholm, with a couple of Americans visiting a couple of Swedish friends ... just going out, drinking, having a good time, hooking up." Yeah, tell it to The Weinstein Co. -- I'm sure after Grindhouse, they'd love to take a chance on a Tarantino sex flick, considering the fact that it would almost certainly be rated NC-17. While Tarantino might be able to imitate other sexy directors to the best of his ability, we all know there'd be no originality and, most likely, it would stick to one level below porn ... but with a kick ass soundtrack.
With that in mind, Vulture put together a list of ten directors who would make an even unsexier movie than Quentin Tarantino -- going so far as to imagine how the directors themselves would pitch it. Among those on the list, we have folks like Oliver Stone ("It would take place in Vietnam, with a couple of American GIs visiting their friends . . . just going out drinking, committing atrocities, hooking up"), Paul Greengrass ("It would take place in London, Vienna, Prague, Bangkok, Sydney, and New York, with an international spy searching for the truth of his existence. In between waterboardings, he hooks up with his CIA handler"), M. Night Shyamalan ("It would take place in Philadelphia, with a guy having sex with a bunch of women, but in the end, you would find out that the main character has been hallucinating it all, and actually he's just been masturbating"), Woody Allen ("It would take place in New York, with a guy reliving the women he's loved over his life, in homage to Fellini's 8 1/2. I would play the man and would have sweaty sex with Scarlett Johansson, Beyoncé Knowles, Lauren Conrad, Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen, and Emily Blunt"), and my personal favorite, Mel Gibson ("It would take place in ancient Egypt, be performed completely in hieroglyphics, and consist of 117 minutes of a slave being beaten to death.")
Swing on over there to check out the rest of the list, and the quotes, then come back here and see if you can come up with your own. Which unsexy directors did they leave off the list? Are there any other directors out there who couldn't direct a sexy movie even if their life depended on it?